My Ex is my Bestfriend

I looked at him, trying to guess what in the world he wants to talk about. I can see he hasn't changed a lot. He's quite bigger now, more muscular. But his face, it still looks the same. His full lips, his long perfect nose, his blue-hazel eyes, and his perfect eyebrows, in which the right one has a narrow hairless line towards the end. His smooth, black hair still looks disheveled, as if he's just gotten out of the bed.

"So Ethan, what should we talk about?"

"Cass, are we still friends? You know, you told me before that even if we're not together we can still be friends. "

"Yes we are. Why do you ask? "

"It's just that, I missed talking to you. No one understands me like you do. And I just want to talk to you that's all. "

"We're talking now. "

"Haha you're still the same smart ass Cass I've known. "

"Well, why should I change. This is me. "

He opened his mouth then closed it again. I think he wants to say something but thought the better of it. And I, feeling as if my voice has been sucked out, can only look back at him. He opens his mouth again, but was then interrupted by Mr. Ryan.

"Hey, let's go. The kids are hungry. "

We looked at the kids. They are beginning to come towards us. I guess its time for lunch.

"Uh listen Cass. Have you changed your phone number? "

"No. " Cassidy Johnson! Why did you say that?

"Well I'd better call you later. The kids are coming. " And he smiles at that then kisses my cheek.

Hello, was that even friendly? You are insufferable Ethan! At least Mr. Ryan wasn't looking at us. But the kids, oh well I hope they'd think of this as a friendly gesture.

"Miss Cass we are hungry. We want to eat."

I forced myself to look at the kids. I'm afraid I'd run back to him if I did not. "Okay, let's go near the pool. The table's been prepared and we're having a feast! "

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I lay in my bed thinking about the conversation we've had. I'm not sure if what I said was right but looking back at what I've been through during our break up, I believe it was the wrong thing to do. But I promised him before that we'd still continue being friends, because I don't want to feel awkward to anyone in my life. So maybe this is good? But why does he still have that effect on me? That feeling of happiness, of safety, of..of love. Am I still in love with him?