My Little Secret

I grew up to believe that sensitivity was a sign of weakness. I was told to stop crying whenever I did, stop being upset whenever I felt bad. Be happy instead. Most people don't realize that crying isn't a sign of weakness, it's just human. What's wrong in feeling too much? What's wrong in being vulnerable and getting your heart broken? What's the point in hiding who you are for a momentary lapse only to reveal yourself later during a fight? I had learnt it the hard way, but it was now boldly inscribed on the insides of my brain, feeling too much isn't weakness. Being sensitive wasn't weakness. Compassion wasn't weakness. If anything, I had an edge over others. I felt too much, I could relate, I could absorb. I could feel the beauty of things around me, when it rained so much that there were hailstorms, when Poirot got his food bowl by himself for the first time, whenever I saw a heart-touching scene in a movie, when my favourite character in a book passed away, when lovers finally unite. I was unapologetic for who I was and what I felt. Because it made me appreciate the little things in life.

Ivan obviously looked surprised when I offered him to come inside. No matter the hurt he caused me or anyone, I would never lose sight of who I was. Considerate? Maybe. Since that incident with Catherine, I hadn't seen Ivan. I did not try to talk to him either. Figured he needed his space to heal, figure things out. He had just forgotten how charming he was, he'll realize it soon enough.

I brushed these thoughts away as I brought my focus back to the meeting. Aaron was bragging about some meeting he had attended with the board. I had become quieter than usual and Hilda was worried.

"Never seen you like this, Sof" she says nervously after we go back to our seats.

"I'm writing an intense article" I say dramatically and laugh, she laughs back.

It was so easy to pretend to be fine.

"Hey Sof, which place have you voted for?" Luke asks me.

"What place? What for?" I look at him confused.

"We have a work trip" Hilda exclaims. I got a little excited, partly because it was my first work trip

ever and partly because Victor would be there. It was my first sleepover with him around. Kinda.

"Someone's blushing" Luke teases me, "Dude, we are so getting you drunk there, you're so much fun when you're drunk."

"I'm fun always" I protest.

"No" Hilda and Luke say unison. I laugh.

They decide on a weekend trip, camping in the woods. It couldn't get any worse, insects and humidity, worst combination ever. I was trying to look at in a positive way.

"I'm going to get loads of snacks so that we don't get hungry on the way" I smile

"Geez, you're such a grandma Sof" Hilda gives me a dirty look and gets back to her seat.

"You'll thank me later" I smile and get back to my article.

"Ms. Malitz, a word?" Meghan was at my desk.

"Sure" I say and follow her, throwing a confused look at Hilda who seemed equally clueless.

We get into a meeting room and sit down. Was I going to be fired? Calm down. I always jumped to the worst of conclusions.

"So, since you're a part of our committee now, we ask your opinion before we take a decision. It's protocol, I hope you understand" she laughs. It was so fake. She had suddenly seemed cold to me, for the past few days.

"So, Victor Gibson eh?" she smiles at me wickedly.

"Um, yeah I guess"

"Be careful whom you be with Sofia. People can hurt you." She says

"I'm sorry, did you guys have history together or something? I hope I'm not entering restricted territory here" I say. She seemed so interested.

Uh oh. I couldn't avoid making contact with her. It would be rude to decline a shake hand68 from my boss. I extend my hand and Victor suddenly comes in. As to stop me. I was curious now. I immediately shake hands with Meghan before she breaks contact. And here we go. To one of the most disgusting memories ever.