The Stars In Your Eyes

Bai Yutang didn't dare to look at his lover's face. He was ashamed, and regretted once he uttered that question. But he really was curious.

"Mmm.. Will you promise me that you won't hate me, or run away from me if i answer that question?"

Now Bai Yutang looks at Jian Kang Lu with his curiosity reaching its peak. Why did he want to hate this man, or want to run away?

"I promise I won't hate you, gege. Now you make me really curious."

And he was stunned to hear Jian Kang Lu's next answer. This man answered his question without any doubt, and he couldn't believe it when he heard Jian Kang Lu's words.

"From the first time. When I saw you on the plane."

"Why?" 

Bai Yutang immediately burst that question. Why on earth would a man like Jian Kang Lu notice a man like him from the first time they met?

Jian Kang Lu looked at him with a loving gaze. "Because i felt something. I can't explain it. But from the first time I saw you, I noticed you. And I want to know about you. Why do you think I kept asking you questions and tried to initiate conversation with you the whole time we were in the plane?"

"But.."

'But i'm not handsome.. I'm not special.. What made you notice me since our first meeting?'

Bai Yutang could not say those lines, because he already said it before, and Jian Kang Lu answered that he was special. The one and only. No one else but him.

"You promised you won't hate me.." Jian Kang Lu reminds him.

Bai Yutang hurriedly answered, "No, no.. I'm not." Then Bai Yutang can't help asking again.

"What makes you afraid that I'll hate you, gege?"

Jian Kang Lu answers slowly, he doesn't know whether he will step into the dangerous zone again. He already avoided the land mine by skipping the part explaining that he was always attracted to a person from the first meeting. If he said that, definitely his kitten will get mad and will ask about his past lover. Jian Kang Lu learned well from his past lesson.

"Because i like you from the first time, it means i approach you with an impure mind.."

Jian Kang Lu still feels that his answer will make his kitten misunderstand his intention, so he explains more.

"But, I assure you that I really like you no matter whether you'll return my feelings or not. All I know is that you make me so happy. And I want you to be happy too. It doesn't matter if you love me back or not. The most important thing is, I could always be with you. Even if i could only stay by your side as your friend, that was enough for me."

Bai Yutang was really astonished. He could not believe this man really fell for him since the first time they met. But then he remembered what Mu Xiaoya said, that she and her friends could see that from the first time.

"Then.. Who is that Chang'e Goddess? Is it really me?"

Now it's Jian Kang Lu's turn to be stupefied. How could his kitten know about Chang'e Goddess???

"Umm.. How do you know about that?" Jian Kang Lu really needs to ask this question carefully. He didn't want to step into another land mine.

Bai Yutang answered slowly, "The nurses ask me.. Whether I know your girlfriend or not, the one that you call your Chang'e Goddess."

Jian Kang Lu thought it was better to step into the land mine rather than his kitten thinking that he was playing around.

"It.. It was.." Jian Kang Lu inhaled deeply before answering in a more appropriate manner. "It was when I asked you to accompany me to buy the gift for my colleague's son. They're teasing me whether I will go for a date because I dressed differently. I shamelessly think every time we go together as a date.."

Then Jian Kang Lu added in a very soft voice, "So I just told them that I have a date. Because it was near the Mid-Autumn festival, thus they call you Chang'e Goddess."

Bai Yutang already guessed, But when his wild guess turned to be true, he still dumbfounded.

"Then.. You already like me, really like me, since the first time?"

Jian Kang Lu look at his bewildered kitten, and just smile gently. "Yes. I really really like you from the first time. And the more i know you, the more i like you, and grew into loving you, until the point that i just want to stay by your side, even though only as your friend."

Bai Yutang mumbling, "Is that why you always be kind to me, and always look at me gently?"

Jian Kang Lu had to answer this honestly. "You know I always try to be kind to everyone that kind to me. But I had to admit, because you're special, of course I treat you better than everyone else. On one hand, I hope you didn't notice. But the other part of me of course wants you to recognise me, realise that you're so special to me."

"That's why they saw us as a couple.." Bai Yutang blurted what's on his mind. He clasped his mouth when he said that. He didn't mean to say it out loud.

But Jian Kang Lu already heard that. "Who?"

Both of them staring at each other in silence for a few minutes. Bai Yutang finally gave up.

"It was Mu Xiaoya and her friends.."

Their dinner's conversation tonight turned out to be something that surprised both of them.

Of course Jian Kang Lu was really curious why Mu Xiaoya's name popped up in this conversation. So Bai Yutang finally explained to him slowly. About how these groups of rotten girls start to notice them from the time they meet Bai Yutang and Jian Kang Lu in the fast food restaurant.

Jian Kang Lu tried to find a hint from his kitten's face. Whether he despise it when people thinking of him as a gay.

"So, TangTang.. Can I ask you back, when did you start to notice me? Notice me as a man, not a friend?" Jian Kang Lu asked his kitten slowly.

Bai Yutang's face turned red.

"Honestly, i don't know. But it made me confused for a long time. Until.. Until.."

Jian Kang Lu patiently waiting for his kitten's answer. But he heard nothing else.

"Until..?"

Bai Yutang took a deep breath, and closed his eyes. "Until I get mad at you on your birthday. A-and, I also get jealous when I hear that.. That you have a date.. A date with Chang'e Goddess.."

Jian Kang Lu really doesn't know whether he had to regret he came home late on his birthday, or happy with it.

Bai Yutang continued, "Previously, i already felt weird. Sometimes you make my heart beat faster, gege.. But when i realise that i get jealous.. I really think that something was wrong with me."

Jian Kang Lu waiting for more explanation. But his kitten stopped once again.

"And then..?" Jian Kang Lu gently said.

Bai Yutang's face really turned into a boiled crab right now. "Then.. I look for Mu Xiaoya's opinion.. Since she was the person who thought of us as a couple.."

Jian Kang Lu smiled. He really needs to thank this girl. Without her, maybe his kitten is still confused until now. He noted that he needed to contact her and give her a generous gift for giving the right answer for his kitten. It must be a right suggestion since now his kitten is willing to be with him.

"And.. What Mu Xiaoya say to you?"

Bai Yutang is really ashamed to admit that he needs to ask for a girl, a junior, as a love advisor.

"She said that i should follow my heart. That nothing was wrong with me, and just be honest with myself."

Jian Kang Lu's smile widened. He is really really grateful that someone like Mu Xiaoya exists around his kitten. Or else.. He doesn't know until when he will have a platonic relationship with this precious kitten.

"I think i should say thank you to Mu Xiaoya. Without her, maybe i can't be honest with myself too until now."

Then Jian Kang Lu stared at his kitten's eyes.

"But most of all, i have to thank you, TangTang. For accepting me. You're really the greatest gift that God ever bestowed upon me."

Since they're talking about this, Bai Yutang keeps asking what's bothering his mind this whole time.

"Then.. Is that why Zhen Ge and your friends notice me, and look at me like that when they met me?"

Now Jian Kang Lu is really afraid. But he was also curious about his kitten's response. So he answered slowly.

"I never told them about you.. But.. They have known me for a long time. So they can guess…"

Bai Yutang drowned in his own mind. Looking at his silenced kitten, Jian Kang Lu asked again cautiously.

"Do you mind about that?"

Bai Yutang tried to think about that carefully. Does he mind it? Does he mind when people see them as a couple. Does he mind if Jian Kang Lu's friend knows him as this man's lover?

Jian Kang Lu knew he pushed his kitten too much. Thus he said again slowly.

"If you mind, then let's just keep this between ourselves. I don't need people to know about us, as long as i can stay by your side. That's enough for me."

Bai Yutang was astounded to hear that line. Then he imagined himself. Whether he wants to face the reality of Jian Kang Lu hiding their relationship from their friends. Whether he could accept Jian Kang Lu said that he was single in front of other people.

Can he keep his calm when he hears someone else say that they want to be this person's lover? Just like Mu Xiaoya said, whether he could see another person covet his man?

And Bai Yutang knew, he could not.

He didn't want this person, the precious existence in his heart, said that he was single in front of anyone else. This person belongs to him. And him only.

His father taught him to be a man that respects and cherishes his lover, be faithful to his loved one. To have commitment, and return every love and affection they received, a hundred fold back.

So Bai Yutang shook his head, and staring at that dimmed black bead, that lost their light. He knows this man is the same with him. And he was hurt.

Pained, from Bai Yutang's voiceless answer.

Suffered, if Bai Yutang chose to shut himself out.

Wounded, if Bai Yutang wants to hide him.

Afraid. If Bai Yutang won't acknowledge him.

When this man already gave all of him.

So Bai Yutang stared at that eyes, then said his answer with a clear and gentle voice. Try to bring the stars back into their original place, which belongs inside that pair of beautiful eyes.

"Gege, I don't mind. So, you don't need to hide me. And I won't hide you. I love you, and I was proud of our love."