Too Broke For Afterlife

????????????????????????

Santa Flora is an uptown neighborhood of San Andy and with every step I take, the houses start looking more and more elegant and expensive. I doubt I have to worry about any thugs trying to shoot me here. But then again, you never know.

Peter McJizz - Dental Practice

The metal sign is polished and shiny and I open my mouth to check the reflection of my teeth. They are perfect. Of course. 

I will never understand the technology that makes sure Afterlife bodies are always in perfect condition. I wouldn't be surprised if my arm was to heal from the cuts within the next 24 hours.

I close my mouth again before any bypassers might start staring at me.

Actually, in real life my teeth are pretty great as well. Maybe one of my most favorite things about me. 

They are straight and pearly white. Unlike Alex I never had to wear braces. And therefore I'm also not too familiar with dentists. 

I've been to check ups of course and have gotten my wisdom teeth removed (an experience I never wish to repeat) but that's about it. I wouldn't say I'm scared of dentists, why would I be? But having someone blow air into your mouth isn't exactly fun either.

I ring the bell and the buzzer resounds almost immediately. I push the door open and step into a white hallway. It's quiet in here and I look around.

No idea where they are supposedly hiding a club, everything seems very neat and uninteresting.

But you know, a secret club wouldn't be secret if it was too obvious.

I start walking up the stairs, checking the doorbell panels. They are all empty. Does nobody live here? My best guess would be that this house is just a prop.

On the third floor I finally find the right door and ring the bell once again.

The door opens automatically and leads the way into a tiny hallway that ends in a reception.

A guy sitting behind the glass looks up from his computer and scans me as I come closer.

"Mhm?" He sounds very annoyed. I get it, I wouldn't be a go-lucky sunshine either had I to work at a reception. All day you're just staring at a computer screen, fighting with clients on the phone and doing paperwork. I'm a fan of monotone lifestyles but this is a bit too much. 

"Hi, I need an appointment because my tooth hurts."

"Which one?"

Good question. "The one...in the back."

The man looks at the screen as he slowly chews gum.

"You have to call and make an appointment beforehand."

"Okay."

I just look at him, not showing any sign of leaving soon. The guy sighs.

"But today isn't very busy so you're lucky. Go sit down in the waiting room and fill this out."

"Okay."

I grab the clipboard and the pen.

The waiting room is empty and through the windows I can look down onto the street. It must be around late afternoon but no matter where I turn, there are no clocks. Time is relative.

The form asks me for my name, birthday and why I'm here. This is very realistic and detailed for the inside of a game. What if that receptionist is a dead person as well?

I peek out of the open door to check him out. But there is nothing about him that could answer the question. He looks like the most regular person, the way he types on the keyboard, one hand resting on his chin. Probably bored to death. And the sleeve of his shirt covers the part of the arm where the chip would be.

Then the door to the examination room opens and a man and a woman step through.

I turn around to them.

"We will see each other again in a few weeks. Make sure to clean it properly."

"Thank you, Doctor!" 

They shake hands and the woman then walks over to the coat rack to grab her jacket.

The doctor looks at me. And I look at him.

What a man.

The blonde hair is combed neatly and his sharp tanned face is decorated with a perfect smile.

Dr. Dreamy. Yup. Definitely an NPC.

He welcomes me with a friendly: "Come in!" Then he steps aside so I can enter his office. 

Just like in every other dental office, there is a therapy table standing in the middle of the room on which I have to sit down. There are shelves on the sides and a big window front behind me, this time showcasing the coast with the nearby highway.

The highway on which I shot my PE teacher. Really fun memories. Not.

Dr. Dreamy- I mean, Dr. McJizz sits down on the roller stool next to me and smiles as he checks the clipboard. 

"Mr. Jones, how can I help you today? Your tooth hurts?"

I keep looking around, studying the posters, trying to find any hints to the location of Club Huevos and with that the whereabouts of my lost friends.

"Yeah. It's been killing me," I lie.

"Let me take a look then."

The dentist turns on the light that is attached to the chair and forces me to lean back into the cushion.

"Open your mouth."

I do so and with his little metal tools he starts looking around. I wait more or less patiently as he scrapes his way through my choppers.

"Hmm…"

"Aah?"

That's about as far as our conversation goes.

After a little while, he leans back, scratching his well-groomed three-day-stubbles.

"I honestly can't find anything. Your teeth seem to be in perfect condition."

Of course they f*cking are. That's not what I'm here for.

I shrug my shoulders innocently. "I don't know why it hurts. Maybe I've been eating too many...Huevos Rancheros."

McJizz stares at me. "Who told you about this?"

"Kennedy."

"That f*cking bitch."

He jumps up from his little stool.

"She is just telling everyone these days. This club is supposed to be top private, not something any dingbat can walk into."

"What did you just call me?"

McJizz shakes his head. "Now I have to let you in. Great."

"You do. Where is the entrance?"

McJizz rubs his face. He is beyond annoyed.

"In the basement, knock against the door three times and say the code word. This week it is 'Chorizo'."

"Chorizo? Seriously? What kind of club is this? A cooking club?"

"Just leave already."

The dentist opens the door and shoos me back into the reception. The guy behind the computer raises his eyebrow when McJizz throws the door shut.

"That was quick."

"Mhm. Can I ask you something?"

He groans. "What?"

"Are you an NPC?"

The guy doesn't look surprised by my question.

"I'm not. I'm working here to earn enough KP so I can unlock Sin City."

Sounds interesting. I decide to put Sin City onto my mental list, right after Frozen Yogurt Land.

"And the doctor?"

"NPC."

"Really?"

"Yes, you can identify NPCs by the chip in the back of their neck. McJizz is part of the secret club quest. I thought that's what you're here for? Or did you seriously want to get your teeth checked?"

Interesting. So this is another quest?

I decide to act dumb in hopes of more information.

"I was just checking out the city and someone told me to ask the dentist about huevos rancheros. I guess it was a prank. Anyway, what quest?"

I bat my lashes innocently and the guy buys it.

"You enter the secret club and then help smuggle some weed to the port. It's beginner-friendly, only took me one attempt. Just avoid police cars and you'll be fine. Payout is small though."

"Oh, okay."

That's good to know. Hopefully I can somehow avoid the quest, I don't have time for this stuff. 

"Thanks for your help."

"Yeah, yeah. No problem. Can you leave now? I wanna watch some Nutflex."

"Have fun."

I quickly leave the practice and let the door fall shut behind me.

Then I rush down the stairs.

Smuggling weed out of a secret club that's run by a dentist. This sounds like a really bad low-budget movie. 

What if-

Hm.

Now this definitely wasn't here earlier.

I'm standing at the bottom of the stairs or at least what I thought the bottom was.

When walking back down from the dental practice I noticed that out of nowhere a new floor had appeared. The basement.

The entrance is no longer the lowest floor of the building.

A couple of steps lead me down one more level and I stop in front of a door.  It is locked and so I lean my ear against it to catch any noises.

And I'm not disappointed.

I can hear faint music and believe to make out that people are talking.

Okay, for a quote on quote secret club this place really is not well hidden. But it's not my job to worry about that.

Alright, let's go crash a party.