Too Broke For Afterlife

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I take everything back. I'm so glad I can't taste or smell. 

I'm not sure who built this tunnel and why but for some reason they decided to let it end in a sewer system. 

With hardly any light from above I am now wading through sewage, beneath the city.

This is by far the most disgusting thing I've ever had to do. 

Slimy excretions are standing a few inches tall and covering the bottom of my pant legs in unspeakable filth. 

With every step I take, the liquid bubbles and foams, my soaked socks are squeaking and my skin is damp.

I want to throw up but am physically unable to do so. 

Why did Clemens have to send me down here? 

I'll have to kick him in the cock as soon as I'm out of here.

"Parker?"

I look around, searching for the voice.

To my right, a flashlight pierces through an opened manhole. 

"Clemens?" I hiss.

"Yes. Hurry."

I wade over to the light and then loom up into Clemen's face in front of the night sky. 

"Get into the van."

He disappears and I grab the ladder, suppressing the urge to let go again as I feel more unpleasant body fluids against my skin. 

Seven steps lead out of the sewers and I breathe in the fresh air. As much as a city like San Andy can have fresh air. 

I close the manhole with its cover and then look around. 

A good 300 feet away I see the street that I entered to get to the dental practice. Are we still in Santa Flora?

A black van is waiting not far away from me and I jog over and open the passenger door.

"Get in." Clemens is waiting behind the wheel.

"One second."

I bend down and take off my shoes as well as the socks. Then I walk over to the side of the road where grass is growing. I don't have a towel or water so this will have to do.

I try my best to clean my feet and ankles as well as my hands in the grass and after a minute I feel a tiny bit less disgusting.

"Come on!" Clemens seems to be getting impatient and I get back to the van, sit down and close the door.

Immediately, he starts the engine.

"Where are we going?"

I can barely buckle up as Clemens speeds away.

He stares at the road, dodging the few cars that are driving around.

"I believe that they found you because you are on a quest. As long as you are playing this game, they can track you. We'll have to finish the quest so they lose your trace."

"But I got the directions from a hooker, she seemed trustworthy. Do you mean this was a setup to lead me into a trap?"

"Not necessarily."

Clemens rips the wheel around and I almost smash my head against the window. We barely dodge the man walking his dog.

"You did the prostitution mission, right? In games like these you get a new quest as soon as you finish the last one. We have to break the cycle so this won't happen again. Once we are done with this, we will leave immediately. No talking to NPCs. Got it?"

"I think."

What Clemens is saying makes sense. The prostitution mission triggered the secret club quest. Whoever was hunting me had enough time to pick up my trace. 

"But how did they know I was looking for you and going to the bar?"

"The answer is simple. Whatever you would have asked the hooker, she would have led you to Club Huevos. I was spawned into it, I don't actually work there. And with the string of quests being pre-set, they knew where I would be going next."

"I see." 

So this game has enough power to teleport Clemens from one place to another just to fit the storyline.

"And what is our mission now?"

"The back of the van is full of weed. We have to drive to the port and deliver it to- SHIT!"

The steering wheel flies as Clemens makes a sharp turn into the next side street.

First I don't understand what's happening but then I hear it.

Sirens.

Now we have two enemies chasing us.

I remember the receptionist mentioning cops and that I need to get rid of them. But that is easier said than done.

The street we are on now is way too narrow for our car but somehow Clemens manages to stay in the middle with just enough space on either side to fit through.

"This is bad," I yell as I look through the back-mirror and see how the cops are still after us, chasing down the same road one by one.

"Hold onto the dashboard."

"What?"

I look at the street in front of us again and watch as Clemens dashes towards a ramp.

"Wait. No, no, no! You aren't doing that!"

"It's our only chance. Ready?"

"NO!"

But it's already too late, Clemens has reached the ramp and we got thrown up into the air.

"F*CK, ARE YOU CRAZY?"

For a few seconds we are completely weightless. 

Way up above the city we fly and I turn around to see how the police cars have stopped at the ramp.

Then, gravity hits and with lighting speed we dash down.

I'm ready to hit the ground and get smashed into a million pieces. But then I hear a loud splash and water sloshes over us.

A deep male voice. "Monster Stunt completed."

"WHAT?" I scream.

"We jumped into a pool. Climb out of your window. Now."

The windows roll down and I quickly worm myself through the gap. 

The car keeps sinking but I manage to get out before the insides get flooded with water.

"What now?"

"We have to save the boxes. As many as possible."

Clemens swims over to the back of the van and opens the door. Boxes stream out of it and he grabs one before he paddles to the edge of the pool.

I do the same.

It doesn't take long until the cardboard starts melting inside the water and after only a few minutes most of the weed is hopelessly lost.

We managed to only save 7 boxes.

"That's not good."

"It doesn't matter. We'll get a terrible rating but as long as we pass, you'll finish the quest. Let's get that car over there."

I look to where Clemens is pointing and see that the pool we landed in is part of a massive mansion. The red cabrio completes the look.

I pick up as many boxes as I can carry and jog over to the car to let them fall onto the backseat. 

Then another round of boxes.

Once I stow away the last box, Clemens has already climbed onto the driver's seat and is fiddling around with wires.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm hotwiring this cabrio. Sit down."

I do as he tells me and buckle up.

"I didn't know you could do this."

"I'm always good for a surprise."

A few moments later, the engine is running and Clemens rushes through the open gate. 

"We have to hurry. The others will be catching up soon."

"The cops or the guys from the club?"

"Both."

We drive by a fancy looking yachts port and enter a more industrial looking area.

"Warehouse number 10."

I look at the warehouses, trying to find the right one.

3. 5. 7.

I look to the other side.

8. 10.

"There!"

"Good."

Clemens stops the car, the wheels are screeching and if this was an action movie, smoke would be muffling us.

A short guy steps out of the warehouse. He is scrawny and when I look into his face I can see that he only has one eye left. His long brown hair is tied together.

"Finally! Where is my stuff?"

Clemens and I start unloading the drugs but the guy doesn't seem happy with what he is seeing.

"What the f*ck is this? Why is it wet? And where is the rest?"

"We had some problems with the cops," I try to explain.

"Do I look like I care?" he yells at me. 

"What idiot hired you guys?"

The man shakes his head. 

"Great. Really great. I'm fucked. No payment for you guys."

I look at Clemens, worried we might have failed. But then the deep male voice is back.

"Mission completed. Barely."

Phew.

We are some lucky bastards. Still, payment would have been nice.

"You're obviously horrible suppliers. But I have another job that might suit you. Up at the farm in the North-"

But he can't finish the sentence. Clemens sends a bullet through his head.

The man falls to the ground as blood streams out of his body.

Clemens calmly puts the gun back into his pocket as we watch the puddle expand.

He shakes his head.. "I really prefer board games."