Too Broke For Afterlife

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I look into the face of my more than upset girlfriend.

With big eyes she is staring at me and I can imagine how wrong all of this looks.

Especially how Natasha is holding my hand. It almost feels like she wanted to give Judy a wrong idea.

My heart starts beating faster.

"Excuse me for a minute," I say to Natasha as I get up from the stool. My racing heart, shaking legs and the alcohol make it hard for me to not fall over but I do my best to gather as much inner strength as possible.

Once I feel safe enough, I quickly walk over to Judy, who keeps staring at me. The closer I get, the more I can see how mad she really is.

She is fuming, her face is red with anger and I almost expect her to scream at me.

Before I can say anything, she grabs my arm and pulls me behind her.

"Judy, wait. Please."

But she ignores my pleading and shoves me through the people who throw curious glances at us, probably wishing somebody would turn off the piano music so they could eavesdrop on our conversation.

I try to remember my I don`t care what others think of me attitude and take a deep breath.

"Why are you here?"

Judy snorts. "Oh am I being an inconvenience to you? Did I interrupt you guys? So sorry!"

Oh my.

I let Judy pull me into the next bathroom and the fluroescent lights make me groan. 

Once the door is closed behind us, Judy swings around and without hesitation she slaps me right across the face.

"OW!" I hold my cheek as I stumble back and stare at her in disbelief.

"What was that for?"

Judy seems unimpressed by my pain.

"You're cheating on me," she states with an unbelievably dry tone.

"What?" Did I hear that right?

I shake my head. "No! Why would I do that?"

Only now I notice that she is crying. Burning fury is glowing behind her wet face. I want to wipe the tears but she pushes me away.

"I'm not stupid. You told me you had to work tonight but guess what, I saw the love note in your drawer. And now you are here, with that whore! How is she better than me?"

"Wait, why did you check my drawer?"

"Oh, is that your only concern?" Judy shakes her head. "I'm glad I did because now I know. Else I would have been clueless about the fact my girlfriend has another lover. Why are you doing this? Are you really that horny? Or do you get a thrill from hurting other people? Is this just a game to you?"

"Wait, this is a misunderstanding, let me explain!"

I try to clear my thoughts and take a deep breath.

"This is not a date. It's a business meeting. That woman works for NeYonCity, the startup. Remember?"

She sobs and all anger vanishes from her face. All that's left is pain.

"You f*cking liar."

"Judy-"

"I'm not a business woman but I sure as hell know that the note was private. There was a f*cking x on it."

"I know, I was confused as well. I don't know why she put it there!"

"And you guys were holding hands just now."

"She grabbed my hand, that wasn't me!"

Judy shakes her head. Her voice is full of disgust but her eyes are veiled with tears.

"It's always easier to blame someone else, huh? I thought you were a decent person but now I caught you cheating. I saw it with my own eyes but you are denying it. Just be f*cking honest for once. Is it really that hard?"

"I am being honest! I would never cheat! Judy, I love you!"

"Don't say that."

She takes a step back.

Then her expression hardens.

"I don't want to be loved by someone like you."

"Baby..."

"This relationship was a mistake right from the start. I knew it wouldn't work, I should have never come to New York with you. So guess what."

She takes a deep breath.

"It's over. I'm breaking up with you."

"But-"

"Leave me alone."

I try to grab her arm but Judy is quicker. Without another word, she leaves the bathroom.

Should I run after her? I have to! But what could I say?

Oh my god.

How can I possibly explain myself?

Tomorrow. I'll talk to her tomorrow. We both need to calm down first.

Right?

I sink down onto the tile floor and pull the knees up to my chest.

My heart is racing, my breaths are shaky and flat, hardly any oxygen reaches my lungs.

The pain in my chest is ripping my flesh apart.

My heart is breaking. And not metaphorically.

The bathroom goes black for a few seconds, then the colors fade in again.

Breathing.

I need to breathe.

I try to remember the nurse at the coffee machine.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

But it's not working. My chest is too heavy to lift.

My thoughts are racing.

I had put everything into this relationship - all my love and hope.

I had felt safe but it was a gamble. And now she is gone. And I'm alone again.

I will always be alone.

"Isabella? Are you okay?"

I hear a pair of high heels quickly clicking towards me.

"I..." But I can't form any sentence.

"Come on."

Natasha softly grabs my hands and pulls me up. 

"Do you want me to call a cab? I can take you home." 

Home. "Yes."

But then I remember Judy. She'll be there. Probably packing her things. 

"N-no. I can't." I can't go there. 

Natasha puts a cold hand on my shoulder.

I look into her face. She is smiling.

But her eyes are dead.

"It's okay. We'll find something else. I'll take care of you."

And with that she leads me out of the bathroom.