Too Broke For Afterlife

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Basically, growing up in a third world country is even worse than it sounds.

You don't have much money, stores only carry knock-off brands and the infrastructure is often lacking. And yes, all of that sucks ass, but when you add corruption and questionable politicians, that's where the real horror lies.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been very conscious about everything I do but once I started becoming aware of what was going around me, that childish fear turned into a way deeper lying problem.

At first I didn't care much about the country I grew up in, I never was a fan of national pride or interested in politics whatsoever. When we learned about the structure of our government in school or discussed any upcoming elections the world is facing, I always turned my brain off and started doodling on the empty worksheets in front of me.

After I finished highschool, I was pretty lost. This country didn't offer many opportunities so I tried several, unexciting things without committing to any of them.

Working at my dad's workshop, then going to college to study economics only to drop out a few months in and switch to game design. I tried making some extra cash by being a cat sitter but had to stop after only a few days because of my allergies. 

I'll admit, that wasn't a very bright idea.

One day, I met a girl in one of my classes and immediately fell in love. She was beautiful, intelligent and a bit intimidating. Okay, to be fair, all women are intimidating to me but her aura told me that she was not someone you'd mess around with.

This girl was also an activist with all her heart. She was constantly talking about overthrowing the government and turning this shithole into a place full of fairness, freedom and future. 

I of course didn't care much about any of these things but started to educate myself in hopes of impressing her. I wanted to become her friend and even tried to start conversations (failing miserably every time) until one day she invited me to join her group.

I didn't know what kind of group but said yes and before I knew it, I was in the middle of planning a riot. 

The girl and her friends had decided to spread their anti-government messages in our college and because I was somewhat the best student in our course, they needed me for a special job.

The plan was to sneak into the closed building at night and while everyone would be spreading leaflets and posters, I was supposed to hack my way into the secretary's computer and upload a video message that would be playing on all the screens the following morning.

I had little experience with hacking and was scared shitless but the way this girl looked at me, with that daring smile and hopeful eyes...I couldn't say no.

So I put on my only black shirt, snuck out of my parents' house and got picked up by one of her friends at the next street corner. 

The college at night was a scary place - so many rooms and hallways, so many possible hiding spots for murderers, creeps and teachers. For a second my anxiety took over and I had to slap myself.

But I didn't have any time to worry, everything went so quickly. I got rushed to the secretary's office and was given 5 minutes. 5 minutes! For someone who doesn't hack and had to look up tutorials online, it seemed like an impossible task but I once again remembered the girl I was doing this for and that motivated me more than anything else ever could.

I was working faster than lightning and once I noticed that what I was doing was actually working, the thrill started kicking in. This was the best feeling in the world!

Until someone stormed into the room and pulled me out of my chair.

"The cops are here!"

"What?"

The cops? Was this a joke?

"Jacob was responsible for turning off the alarm but he got sick and texted Marcel but he didn't see the message."

The guy pulled me out of the room and there I saw how all my accomplices were running down the hallway like headless chicken.

"F*ck, what now?"

"Back entrance!"

"Where's Jessie?"

If the cops didn't already know what was going on, all the screaming definitely would have given it away.

In the end, we didn't manage to escape. The cops caught us at the door and all of us got a free ride to the police station.

Long story short, we only got a warning because we managed to twist the story. Anti government propaganda? No, we only wanted to spread awareness on animal cruelty in the US!

We returned to classes right the day after and the first thing I did was approach my crush and ask her if she already had a new plan. But I did not expect her reaction.

"This was a mistake, I can't risk getting kicked out of college. Let's act like we don't know each other, okay?"

Right that second my heart broke. And I realized that she was nothing but a hypocrite. First preaching the bravery of standing up for one's rights but as soon she faced danger, she chickened out?

And the worst part? I fell for it.

<<<

I take a deep breath, shaken by the memories.

I had only known that girl for a few weeks, yet completely fallen for her, to the point where I was willing to risk my education. Just to impress her. 

All of that happened years ago but I still hate myself for the reckless stupidity.

"So you died from a broken heart?" Parker raises his eyebrows but I shake my head.

"No, of course not. That was just the beginning of the story."

<<<

One day, a few months later, I woke up realizing that I hated my life and I was desperate to finally find the right path. I felt lost and awful. I had wasted so much time for nothing.

But I was reminded of the hacking experience and how exciting those few minutes had been. What if this was my purpose?

What if this was my fate?

So I decided to teach myself how to be a hacker. Obviously, there is no step-by-step tutorial out there so I had to work with little help and lots of confusion but the more time I put into it, the more I understood what I was doing.

After a few months I started using my newly acquired skills by offering my services in exchange for money. I hacked the location of smartphones and obtained test answers for lazy students, so nothing too exciting but it helped me advance while also earning some money.

Of course I knew that what I was doing was extremely illegal and the more jobs I took, the more paranoid I got. Every second that I was awake, I was worried a cop might break into my house and arrest me. 

I even started using code words and nicknames to communicate with my clients.

I decided to disguise the information as pizza recipes. Cheese meant payment, dough the party that would be hacked and Papa Jones was my incompetent intern. 

Stupid but it worked and the more reputation I built for myself, the more interesting my clients got. Soon I went from hacking the Instagranny account of an ex to programming viruses that would destroy company software. After two years of building and perfecting my skills, I was asked to hack myself into a local news station to attack our president with a refreshingly honest 'newsflash'.

That was the riskiest thing I have ever done and this time people did seem to care and tried to find the source of this wicked deed.

But I had built a castle of safety precautions, all the data was encoded tenfold. I didn't do all this just because I'm smart and didn't want to go to prison but also because my paranoia kept growing and growing.

Shortly after that broadcast I was unable to leave my house. Only once a week I would step foot outside to buy groceries but start panicking as soon as someone looked at me.

I stopped talking to my family and friends, the only social contact I had was with my intern. My sleep got very light, any noise would rip me awake and soon I stopped sleeping all together. I set alarm clocks for every hour so that once I did pass out, I would wake up again.

I stopped reading mail unless it was an overdue notice, scared someone might have bugged my letters or poisoned them. 

I knew that the path I had chosen was awful for someone who was already a bit unstable but I was too far in the game and knew I couldn't stop. 

Maybe the girl from college had been right. Maybe there was purpose in chasing something bigger. 

I didn't have a riot group but I had myself and why shouldn't myself be enough to change the world?

Suddenly, I had a purpose.

I would hack myself into the heart of our country and overthrow the government!

But first, it was time for pizza.

My favorite pizza place that I had been going to regularly but lately avoiding like the plague, just like any other place where I could meet people and a potential assassin, was celebrating its anniversary and offering a 2 for 1.

And when it comes to pizza, well, ain't no mountain high enough.

I swung myself on my old bike and started pedaling through the neighborhood.

When I got my two pizzas, I was elated and couldn't wait to devour them at home.

But once I was on my way back, I noticed how a black van had started following me.

I knew what this meant.

They had found me.

And they came to kill.

I began pedaling as fast as I could, my pizzas loomingly shaking in the plastic bag around my handle. 

I took a turn. So did the van.

I crossed a red street light. So did the van.

My heart was pounding like crazy. I realized that if I didn't come up with something quick, my life would be over.

I couldn't lead them to my home and I felt how my untrained body already started getting exhausted. 

That is when I decided to take a sharp turn down a narrow road to my left. Down the hill.

I only noticed the mistake once I had lost all control over the racing bicycle. 

I saw the road beneath me and to my horror, a car was parking right in the middle, completely blocking the way 

An elderly woman was standing next to it, taking something out of the trunk.

I screamed, hammering the breaks but it didn't help. The road was too steep and I was excessively fast.

The last thing I felt was how my body collided with the car. I broke through the window and the glass dug into my throat.

I can only assume that the woman probably screamed at the sight because I was already dead once she realized what had happened.

Later I found out that the black van did not belong to any secret spies. It was a regular man who didn't take traffic regulations all too seriously.

And to this day I wonder what happened to my pizzas.