Too Broke For Afterlife

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Looking outside the window, I examine my surroundings, still amazed by the colors.

"If we are in Hell, shouldn't it be way hotter? Like burning the flesh off my bones?"

Stan steps next to me with his arms crossed behind his back.

"It is. Out there. If you were to take a single step outside, you would erupt into flames within a second. But inside the headquarters, you are fine. Nobody here needs a cooling system but it's a nice luxury nonetheless."

I nod. I guess taking a walk will have to be erased from my list of activities.

"But why am I here? We summoned you, yes, but only to talk to you. I thought you'd take over my body and stuff."

Stan looks amused. "Is that what they told you?"

"Who?"

He ignores my question and walks over to one of the shelves to pull out a small, wooden box.

"You cannot summon me because I am unable to leave Hell. Just like humans are unable to enter it alive. Unless they have an artifact of mine. I think you're in possession of something that belongs to me?"

He opens the box that is filled with velvety, blue tissue. In the middle is an empty mold, looking awfully similar to the crystal.

"Uh???"

What did Nox say?

'Give the artifact back to him.' Those were here words.

How did she know that Stan would ask?

Should I trust her? Should I trust anyone?

Stan sighs. "It is mine, Parker. You don't need it anymore."

"But if I gave you the crystal, wouldn't that mean that I'll be stuck here?"

He laughs. "Do you think I'm keeping you as a prisoner? Or that I'll kill you? Let me tell you something, kid."

Stan lowers his voice. "It might not seem like it but I want you to be on my side. I know you and your friends have been planning to stop me but once you've heard my reasoning, I'm sure you will join me on my mission. I wouldn't hurt you, Parker. I need you and the others."

'Trust him.' That is also something Nox had said. I thought she was talking about Noah but apparently not. She wanted to make sure that I'd team up with Stan.

Usually that would seem like a dumb idea but the version of the devil I'm facing right now is anything but scary. It is actually pretty likable.

I take a deep breath.

"I will give you your crystal back once you've told me your plan and showed me how I can get back to Earth. How does that sound?"

Stan chuckles.

"Are you trying to make a deal with the devil?"

"I???"

Oh god, am I?

"You're very brave. But your offer is fair. I'll tell you everything you want to know and then you'll hand over my crystal."

He takes my hand and shakes it.

"But I won't have to sell my soul to you, right?" I ask, just to make sure.

The demon winks.

"Not if you play the game."

He lets go of my hand to bend down and open a drawer next to us.??

"Put this on."

What Stan is unfolding and handing me looks like a mix between a space suit and something your local beekeeper would wear.

"Why? What is this?"

"It will protect you from the heat."

"Okay." To be fair, that's a good argument.

I grab the suit and then wait for him to leave the room. But he doesn't.

Stan is just looking at me.

"Uhm...can you not watch me change?"

"Oh, of course."

The devil nods and leaves me alone.

I guess being unfamiliar with human contact makes you act like that.

The silvery white suit is tighter than expected and I have to take off everything except for my briefs in order to press myself into it.??

The helmet has a built-in oxygen mask and again I am carrying bottles on my back.

I'm glad that there are no mirrors in Hell because I'm sure that I am looking like an aluminum clown right now. Like a conspiracy theorist finally gone crazy.

A pair of massive high boots completes the look. They end just below my knees and make every step stiff and uncomfortable.

As if he can feel that I'm finished, Stan comes back into the room and scans the outfit.

"That should do."

"But how does this protect me from the millions of degrees? I'm already sweating in this thing." Let's hope I won't pass out.

"The fabric is a special one you won't find on Earth. It's called DERF."

"DERF? What does that stand for?"

Dumb Earthling Rescue Fabric?

Stan looks at me confused. "Nothing, it's just DERF."

"Ah." But as soon as he has turned away, I shake my head.

We leave the comfortable office and wander back through the naked hallway.

"So, where are all the dead people?" I ask, both joking yet serious.

"I'll show you." Stan smiles, rubbing his hands.

Oh boy.

Back in the hall where I had landed, I notice that my crate is gone. Awh. My poor cantaloupes.

Now I can also see the salt which I had apparently lied on. The outline of my body is clearly visible, almost like a crime scene. An imp has grabbed a broom and is sweeping the salt into a bag.

At the end of the hall is another door I hadn't noticed before. It is small and made of metal with a number panel next to it.

"Are you ready?"

I don't know, am I?

Am I ready to see all the damned being tortured?

Stan doesn't wait for my response and types in the code. I catch a glimpse at the three digit number.

999.

Of course. Another thing that got lost in translation.

A loud beep signals that the door is now unlocked and without a second thought, he pushes it open.

Bright light shines into my face and...

Okay, I did not expect this.