The trainer, whose time is running out, just wants to survive

There is no more pressure and no reason to continue running for anyone. Representative Qianming understands that this day has finally come.

The wind that had been lingering beside him for three years...it was time to say goodbye to her spring.

"...After that, do you have any plans? Qianming?"

Kitano seemed a little silent that day. This trainer, who knew Qianming as well as Qianming's parents, might have also noticed what decision Representative Qianming wanted to make.

But he still insisted on taking Qianming to the coffee shop they frequented most on this day.This is the place that holds every heartfelt conversation and memory between them. He once planned the game for her here; she once persuaded him to let go of his worries; he once made up his mind to protect everything about her; and she was also here. , put the ring on him with his own hands.

All the memories of the two people started here, and no matter whether it was continued or ended, they also chose to make their own choices here in a tacit understanding.

"As for me... I would probably go traveling alone." Qianming had a nonchalant smile on her face. She was in a daze. She just looked down at the reflection of the coffee in her hand. At this time, she could no longer feel a trace of psychology. Fluctuating, she seemed to have seen through everything and completely reconciled with the whole world.

"I have been running here for three years. I also want to put it all down and see the world by myself."

"...It's a very good idea." When Kitano heard Qianming's answer, he was silent for a moment, then reluctantly showed a happy smile, nodded in approval and said: "Qianming, you should too. , live for yourself once."

"……yes."

However, Qianming had clearly made up her mind to leave this warm spring. When Qianming didn't hear any words of reluctance from Kitano's mouth, she couldn't help but feel a bit of pain... But she didn't put this aside. After a moment of vulnerability, he smiled as easily as ever:

"Trainer-san, you have reconciled with Rudolph, right?"

"Qianming? You..."

"I know, Trainer-san, you are so good at guessing your thoughts. I already guessed it when you looked at the pendant with a sad look on your face."

For the first time, Representative Qianming took the initiative to mention Rudolph in front of Kitano.And at this time that she thought was appropriate, she chose to pierce the last layer of window paper as her courage and impulse to leave this spring that made her sink.

It's really time for me to leave. Now that I have no conflicts with the world and no longer have any constraints, I should return to the time of only myself as soon as possible.

Don't... no, she doesn't dare to sink in anymore, otherwise, it will be very painful, that kind of suffocating pain, that kind of heartbreaking feeling, don't let her experience it again.

That's it, let's stop here, just like that... forget everything.

"Trainer Sang, the day before Rudolph left on the expedition, you gave her the expedition plan you had prepared long ago, right?"

"That plan... must not have been made for me, right? I have seen you very busy in the past few days, probably just to rush through the work on this plan, right?"

"——Don't show that expression, Trainer-san, I'm not blaming you, nor am I jealous."

Faced with Kitano, who seemed to want to explain something at this moment, and looked embarrassed, Representative Qianming chose to avoid Kitano's explanation - she was afraid that if Kitano opened his mouth again, she would be pushed back from the edge by him like before. Pulled back under that gentle wrap.She was afraid that if she didn't make up her mind now, she might never be able to get out.

Therefore, at this moment of farewell, Representative Qianming chose to lie... This was the first time she lied. Her mood did not fluctuate at all. Her heart was calm, and she told the lie as calmly as the truth, covering up everything she had. mood, said:

"You did the right thing. After all, you have to live for yourself from now on."

"Trainer Sang, you've been looking for new racehorse girls lately, haven't you? I've seen information about those kids. Isn't that great?"

"As I said... I am the 'freest wind', no one... can restrain me."

Qianming's mouth finally revealed words that even deceived her heart. She thought that when she said these words, her heart would struggle and suffer, and she would be like the heroines of those romance novels. , unable to deceive himself into crying... and then staged a drama in which the truth was revealed and everyone was happy.

...But none of this happened.Representative Qianming felt as calm as ever in her heart. Her heartbeat was so steady that she had self-doubt at this moment - did she really ever care about this man?

Then why, my heart doesn't feel anything at this moment?She didn't feel sad or sad. Her soul was like a pool of stagnant water, with no waves at all.

Could it be that the psychological preparation that I had made time and time again to separate from Kitano finally took effect at this moment?Can I really bear to return to living alone after being separated from him?

Is all this...really that simple?

"--I understand."

But just when Qianming was still doubting herself, in front of her, Kitano Ryuichi accepted the proposal more calmly than she expected.He showed himself an extremely gratified smile, that smile... seemed to be encouraging and approving the decision she had made.

At this moment, the cafe, which was originally full of ambiguous atmosphere, suddenly fell into a dead silence... Everyone understood that this combination that countless people expected, yearned for, and had extremely sincere feelings, From this day on, the end of the relationship was announced.

From now on, there will no longer be that enviable "perfect combination that no one can beat" in this world. There are only two people who part ways and live only for themselves... All of this is dull and smooth. People don’t think it’s real.

"...But, if you are willing, I still have a small thing that I want to complete with you Qianming."

"Just think of it as the last thing we do together before we go our separate ways,"

Now, Kitano, who was parting ways with his closest person and his first person, did not say any words to stay, but chose to work with Qianming to bring all this to a perfect end.

……

"A ginkgo tree? So, the last thing Trainer Sang wants to do with me is to plant this ginkgo tree?"

In the courtyard of Representative Qianming's home, Qianming has now dug a deep pit to plant the ginkgo tree. Such physical work is obviously not suitable for seriously ill patients like Kitano.Although Qianming didn't understand what her trainer wanted to do, representative Qianming still acted very solemnly about what they did together for the last time - she didn't want to leave any regrets in the end.

"Of course not." Kitano also shook his head gently, and saw him picking up a small wooden box from the side. The workmanship of the wooden box was not exquisite, but it appeared to be extremely durable and tough. Kitano watched Holding the wooden box, he said word by word:

"Qianming, I once read a sentence that a person's death is divided into three stages. The first is the death of his body, the second is the funeral, the death that represents his social status... The third is the death of everyone Everyone has forgotten his existence, and from now on, no one will remember him, then this person is declared completely dead from this world."

"I will experience this feeling one day... Then, as a symbol of the end of our relationship, we each put an important thing into this wooden box and bury it together with this ginkgo tree. Bar."

"Speaking of which... I'm actually not very confident. Even if I take over other children in the future, will I still think of you Qianming?"

"Then I think the day when this box in the soil is corroded, and our important things are corroded, will be the day when we completely forget each other... I'm sorry, am I a little weird?"

"——Of course not, Trainer-san, this matter is very meaningful."

However, when Kitano took the initiative to propose the proposal of "burying feelings", Representative Qianming was slightly stunned, but he particularly approved of Kitano's decision. The two had the same idea, and Kitano hoped that Qianming could forget this. Sooner or later, Qianming will face death, and Qianming also hopes... to escape from this warm spring that can disappear at any time.

In this way, their feelings and all the words they want to say are buried in the soil. As the ginkgo tree grows, they will be corroded and forgotten together.

"So, do you want to make some preparations?"

"No...I have already chosen what I want to bury."

The two people who coincided with each other turned their backs to each other in a tacit understanding. They silently held the token they wanted to bury tightly in their hands. They did not turn around, let alone make a sound, and just turned back. He reached out and slowly put their respective tokens into the box together...

It wasn't until the moment the lid was closed that Qianming's slightly trembling body finally turned around unbearably...

Her trembling eyes were keenly aware that the ring she had put on for him on the middle finger of his left hand had disappeared at this moment... There were still traces of the ring on his finger, but As time goes by, this trace will slowly dissipate until it is no longer seen.

As for Qianming's representative... she actually didn't put any tokens into that box. What she buried in that box were only her own memories... These memories accompanied Kitano when he put the ring she wore with her own hands into it. , that is, it was completely buried in the soil.

Her heart was still.She got her wish.She could finally forget about him.

Chapter 83: Qianming’s memory: the person without a heart

What is it like to be stripped of someone who occupies a huge proportion of your life?Representative Qianming experienced this feeling deeply in the short year that followed.

Qianming fulfilled her initial promise, and after burying all her memories of Kitano in the soil, she began her plan to travel abroad. During this journey, Qianming represented the most emotions she felt... …It’s just emptiness.

No matter where he went, Qianming's mood seemed to be frozen in the day when he and Kitano buried the box that carried their memories. Facing strange and novel environments, she realized that she finally had a free life under her own command... ...But she couldn't feel any emotion, only an empty heart.

Representative Qianming knew that this was a behavior that he was not used to.After all, Kitano had just passed through her life. It was impossible for her to forget him so quickly. She felt lonely and empty now... everything was only temporary, and time would help her smooth everything out sooner or later. The scars will also erase the emptiness and loneliness after losing a relationship.

I have to look for someone to fill this void in my life... I can find it.Representative Qianming believed in himself and convinced himself.

…But, I didn’t expect you to be so cruel, to run away from home in such a hurry before I could kick you out of the house.

"Qianming, I don't care where you are, come back to Japan immediately - Trainer Kitano is sick, and he is not joking with you this time."

When Representative Qianming learned that Kitano fell ill again, the racing girl who should have made up her mind to leave him, like a swallow anxious to return to her nest, rushed back to Japan, and returned to that place again. In the spring she always wanted to escape.

"Why didn't you tell me right away? Why didn't you even give me a call even though you've been sick for so long?" Representative Qianming returned to Kitano's side again and felt her heart start to beat again. The long-lost feelings she felt were unbearable and painful - she stared at Kitano's haggard face tortured by the disease on the hospital bed, whose condition was no better than Satsuki's before, and all the emotions in her heart finally burst out.

"What do you think of me?! I am your only responsibility! Why don't you tell me! Why!"

However, facing the wailing Qianming, Kitano finally had a bitter smile on his face, his body covered with induction tubes of various instruments on the hospital bed, and it was extremely difficult to even move, and his voice was very soft. 's answer:

"...If you do this, Qianming, won't all the efforts you have made to leave me be in vain?"

Kitano's words made Representative Qianming, who was crying at the moment, dumbfounded. Kitano also stretched out his palm with difficulty, and the look on the face of the girl who was so close now that it was so difficult to even touch him. He wiped away the tears gently and said softly:

"Fool...I am your trainer, how could I not know what you think? How could I not know...you have been trying hard to leave me."

During their first meeting, Kitano once told Representative Qianming that their "mutual non-interference" relationship was something he had repeatedly urged.Kitano, whose life could come to an end at any time, once thought of using this kind of helpful but not intimate way of getting along so that even if he died one day, Qianming's condition would not be affected.

But obviously, Kitano underestimated the impact of these three years of getting along.If two people can live in a plain and stable way for three years, then this life without ups and downs will be a miracle in itself.

Perhaps, from the moment they met, their fates were already entangled... Even though the two of them tried their best to cut off the bond in the end, they only ended up in a messy, disconnected world. result.

"Don't cry, Qianming, don't cry for me..."

Kitano stretched out his hand with difficulty and kept wiping away Qianming's tears. He kept repeating vague words in his mouth, and his consciousness became increasingly blurred.

"Don't let me see you sad... I've been trying my best to keep you from being sad all my life. Now that I'm going to die, don't let me... feel uneasy anymore."

"Are you... gonna get better?"

Chiaki, with tears in her eyes, seemed to feel that the strength in Kitano's palm was getting weaker and weaker. She panicked and grabbed Kitano's palm with both hands, preventing the last trace of warmth from leaving her cheeks. Her voice was trembling, as if she was drowning. The reporter asked as if he wanted to grasp the last straw:

"Will it get better this time? When Gaoyue was rewarded, your situation was even worse than now. You can get better...right?"

"..."

There was a deathly silence in the ward. It was the most suffocating silence Qianming had ever felt.She could not hear even half a word of comfort from the mouth of this man who had escaped death several times.

Everything was self-evident, and Qianming finally understood and accepted this... She chose to listen to Kitano, just like when she was his horse racing girl before, and let him drive her own wind to participate in his Let him participate in the competition and carry out the training he planned.

However, the event of the competition changed from running to running in the rain.When Kitano said that he wanted to see her running unbridledly in the rain again, Qianming jumped into the pouring rain without hesitation, laughing as loudly as she could, and kept laughing in the heavy rain. Weaving around, laughing.

He asked her to watch the Kabuki she was most interested in, and Qianming would look for the nearest Kabuki show in Tokyo. No matter whether it was her favorite show or whether it was a show she had watched many times, she would watch it until the end. Even if Kitano is not by her side.

He asked her to eat, and she ate and drank heartily; he asked her to have a good rest, and she just lay in bed and slept soundly all day long... Everything he asked her to do, she did as always. He did it just because he let himself do it.

Qianming doesn't care how weird her behavior these days is in the eyes of outsiders. She only knows that listening to Bei Ye's words is the only thing she can do for Bei Ye now.This is what she can enjoy, the last warmth of spring. Only when doing all this, can she still feel that he is still by her side...

But spring will always pass. Qianming understands this truth. The last thing she can do is to say her final goodbye to the spring that warms her.

"This time... I'm really leaving, Qianming."

"After I leave, don't let me worry... Qianming."

"You know I won't let you worry." Qianming's eyes looked gently at the man in front of her who was still smiling at her with all his strength after looking back. There was no trace of sadness on her face anymore. The relaxed and cheerful smile that Kitano loved to see the most was like welding on Qianming's face at this moment, and it would never change.

"I will listen to you and live a good life alone. I still have a long way to go and my life has just begun. I won't do anything stupid."

"I will eat well by myself and sleep peacefully by myself. I will delete all your contact information and use time to slowly forget you..."

"...That's fine."

She tried her best to convey to this man that she didn't need to worry about her, but...she didn't notice that when Kitano on the hospital bed heard her repeating everything she told him, his There was no trace of relief on his face, but his sadness and worry... never dissipated from the beginning to the end.

But...he has no time to change anything, he is tired...all this, he can only do this step.

"Qianming... I'm sorry..."

"I... still... failed to take care of... well... ah..."

The tired Kitano finally closed his reluctant eyes under the last sigh full of helplessness. Qianming watched with her own eyes as the ups and downs of his chest subsided, and all his vitality returned to Calm.

"……Are you asleep?"

"As I said, I won't be scared by you so easily now. Do you still want to scare me like Gaoyue Shang did that time? I'm not that easy to fool."

"Did you hear that? If you heard something, just say something back, otherwise I will really think you are dead..."

"...Did you hear that? If you don't wake up...I really have to leave."

"I really...have to leave."

Why...she sheds tears?She obviously didn't feel the heartbreaking feeling of losing him... But why did she cry?

Why is there no emotion at all in my heart now? The suffocation and pain I thought about, why don't these feelings appear again?

What's wrong with her heart... Why can't she feel the pain?

No matter how hard she tried, she could no longer feel the slightest wavering in her heart. Representative Qianming's calmness made her feel scared. She silently wiped away her tears, and finally gently touched Kitano in front of her, feeling his last A touch of warmth... In the end, she stood up and walked out of the house as if nothing had happened.

And when Qianming just walked out of the ward and came to Rudolf, she noticed Rudolf's extremely obvious surprise for a moment - she knew that all this was because of her expression that showed no sadness, that In order to stop Kitano from worrying, the smiling face that never changed... was the most out of place and weird expression at this time.

"What's up with him?"

"...Don't let me tell you such a cruel truth with my own mouth, Rudolf, please."

Qian Ming knew that her smiling face now was the cruelest truth, and that she who could not feel the pain was the cruelest person... She had become the person who should be the least calm, but she still put all this into consideration. He relayed it to Rudolph and his trainer, the one who couldn't let it go the most.

"Rudolph, it's time for you to accept everything, trainer Sant..."

"You bastard!!!"

Qianming felt it. She was grabbed by the collar by the furious Rudolph, who roared. She could clearly feel Rudolph's anger. She knew better why Rudolph was angry. If she were in Rudolph's position, , she will definitely be so furious.

...But she couldn't feel it anymore, there was no feeling in her heart, not even Rudolph's anger could touch her in the slightest.

Yes...she got her wish. She couldn't feel the pain after Kitano passed away. What she feared most and what she feared most did not happen after all.

At that moment, Qian Ming smiled. She was laughing at herself, laughing at her current appearance. After all, she had become...a heartless person.