Natural beauty, inspirational nature

Chapter 21 Sexless Marriage Without "Love"

The "new house" we bought at that time had just been renovated before I got sick and had an accident, and I hadn't bought all the appliances, so I couldn't live in it yet.Knowing that I was going back to work, he rented a small shared room near the company as our temporary residence.

We also started a three-year "sexless" married life.

The two of them are usually busy at work, and it is rare for them to go to the streets together on weekends, walking on the main road, every time I want to hold his hand, he always looks disgusted and avoids my outstretched hand.And every time he always has a reason for rejection, he said it was too hot in summer, and he thought it was too cold in winter, every time he was rejected, my heart was always chilled.

I think when I married him, I didn’t want money or the material support he could bring me. I just wanted a pair of strong hands to hold my hand and give me a little power of love. I just expected When I go home, I can have a warm hug, a solid shoulder to rely on, and someone who can cuddle with me and accompany each other. We work together for a warm little home, but later on, I want to hold a close relationship with my lover Hands have become a luxury.

They all say that a woman who doesn't care about anything in marriage but only cares about her feelings will lose the most in the end.I think I should be the "model" of this negative teaching material.

The two of us, living under the same roof, have become the two most familiar "strangers".

In the shared house, there are all kinds of people, noisy every day, some neighbors play games until midnight, some couples fight and throw bowls and pots, some people drink and make trouble in the middle of the night, howling ghosts and wolves, he has a big heart and sleeps deeply. No matter how noisy he was, he could fall asleep, and he fell asleep within a few minutes of lying down.

I’m sensitive to sound, and I’m often disturbed to sleep. I finally fell asleep and was woken up by screams. I was so frightened that I wanted to hug him and seek some comfort. Before I touched his waist, he felt I was going to touch him, so he pushed me away rudely, made a "tsk~" impatiently, and asked me what are you doing?I was very angry and wronged, I said I don't do anything, I just want to give you a waist, so why such a big reaction?So the two quarreled with each other again.

Can you imagine how much physical and mental pressure and disability a normal person would have to bear when marrying a person with a physical illness?This kind of pain is not only physical (to put it harshly, it is "widowhood"), but also spiritual.Physiological pain is actually quite bearable for women. At most, it is a continuation of the previous life state when single. You can live your life as you like. Desires can be transferred to the various busy lives and hobbies of life by will. .But the boundless loneliness of the soul can crush people for life.

During that time, I often suffered from insomnia all night, and my heart was full of anxiety and helplessness, just like a person walking in the endless dark night, walking and walking, but I couldn’t see a ray of "light" and "hope" in life .

The psychological problems caused by physical problems made Xin Bao a person who was indifferent to his wife, didn't want to communicate at all, and lived in his own world.

He especially likes to eat snacks, and the amount and speed of eating are astonishing. Any delicious pastry and candy, as soon as he buys it and sees it, it will be wiped out by him within an hour or two.Every time I remember to grab something to eat, the table and refrigerator are empty.

I said, "Every time you eat delicious food, can you also think of me and save a little for your wife?" He always said, "What's the point? I'll buy it for you next time." But Every time he buys it back, he enjoys it by himself alone, and then gives me a smile.Then the cycle goes on and on, and so on.

Once I had an upset stomach and couldn’t eat anything. I bought a box of soft pastries and put them on the tea table. I specially took care of him: “Xinbao, I have an upset stomach and I didn’t eat dinner today. I’m a little tired and I want to take a rest first.” Yes. But I may be hungry at night, I bought this thing to fill my stomach when I’m hungry, don’t take it casually and eat it again.”

He behaved fairly well: "Oh, I see. My wife will eat later."

I thought to myself that I would definitely not eat it again this time, but after two hours, I got up from the bed and the pastry box was emptied again. I was really speechless at the time.

It is said that a man can't hide whether he loves you or not. At that time, I hadn't thought about the worst of the man I met.

Because my parents-in-law are kind-hearted and caring for me a lot, whenever there are conflicts and discord between us, they always stand by my side impartially, objectively and with a little pity, so whenever I feel "such a day" in my heart When it will end, I feel that I really can't hold on", I always comfort myself: everything will be fine, and if there are problems, I will solve them patiently, my parents love us, and they are all unconditional. Stand up for us, as long as we help him heal his illness later, and when he recovers, we will have a good life in the future.

So no matter how much wronged I suffered in this marriage, I endured silently and patiently comforted him: Xin Bao, let's have a good talk together, don't keep everything in your heart and not communicate with me.The child is gone, I have suffered a lot physically and mentally, and now I am slowly recovering. I originally needed to rest at home, but I chose to come back and work hard with you for our family. If you are not in good health, don’t break it. The jar is broken, stop smoking and drinking, and seek medical treatment as soon as possible if you are sick. You must go to the hospital for reexamination and surgery as soon as possible.It cannot be delayed any longer.When I'm free, I'll accompany you to the hospital, okay?

It may be due to a man's inferiority complex, as soon as I tell him to go to the hospital, he will start to quarrel with me.I feel that he is resistant to going to the hospital for treatment in his heart, and he even thinks that "you live your life, I live mine" is fine.

In order to persuade him to see a doctor, I don't know how many bitter tears a person shed.

One weekend, I managed to convince him that we went to the hospital together.On the way to the hospital, halfway because I was going to hold his hand, he had another big fight with me.

Afterwards, I was sad for a long time. I was only thinking about his health and this family, but he never understood my painstaking efforts, and never thought for me from my perspective, even if it was just a hug, a hand, or a kiss. He can give me a little strength, but he is unwilling to give me the warmth of love that normal couples can experience.At that time, I should have thought of such a man, the only person he loves in his heart is himself, and he has never really loved me.

When he arrived at the hospital that day, the doctor asked him, "What makes you feel uncomfortable?"

He actually replied: "I don't have any discomfort, my wife forced me to see a doctor."

I was so angry at the time, but I couldn't attack it. Fortunately, the doctor was not a fool. After hearing this, he immediately said to me: "The family members stay away first, and wait outside the door."

So I went out. Men are probably beaten to death and don't want to admit that they are not good enough in front of women.

This time he was in a large hospital in Suzhou, and finally gave him a comprehensive and detailed examination.It was found that besides "varicocele", he also had other andrological diseases such as "sexual disorder".

But every hospital seems to follow the principle of prescribing you some medicine first and taking it for a period of time to see the effect.So this medication delayed a lot of time for surgery.

And every time he buys the medicine, he doesn't know how to take it properly. He often has one meal or another, and I always need to keep reminding him.The doctor told him not to smoke. He came home and hid in the bathroom. He always used the tuba as an excuse. He squatted in the toilet for half a day. When he came out, you went in. The toilet was full of smoke, and he even splashed ash Let you clean up for him in front of the toilet.

If a person doesn't want to be optimistic about his own faults, no matter how hard others try to supervise him, it will be useless.After a long time, his illness still didn't get any better, and the relationship between us became worse and worse.

(End of this chapter)