Natural beauty, inspirational nature

Chapter 45 Thinking "Collision"

There are many people in Haidilao and need to queue up, Xiaoyu arrived first, sitting at the round table in the waiting area outside, drinking tea and waiting for me.

I followed the sign downstairs and entered an elevator, and the elevator went up to the back door of the store.He sent me a message saying that he was waiting for me sitting in a row of tables and chairs in front of the store.

I entered through the back door, ran to the front door, and indeed saw a row of seats for guests to rest at the door, but there was no sign of Xiaoyu at all.

I was a little embarrassed, so I could only send him another message to ask for confirmation, but he couldn't explain why, he just decided that he was sitting on the seat by the door.

I had no choice but to ask the store for help, and the clerk was very enthusiastic to show me the way, and said to me: If he is not at the door here, he is probably waiting for you in the waiting area at the entrance of the other door opposite us.

I ran to the opposite side with the waiter, and finally saw Xiao Yuer. I waved at him vigorously, walked over with a smile, and sat on the chair opposite him.Because the round table was very small, the two of them naturally got very close to each other, as if they were having a conversation on their knees.

I saw Xiaoyu wearing beige casual clothes, simple and casual, looking friendly and easy-going, and when he smiled, he could vaguely see a pair of small canine teeth.

The one in front of him is slightly different from the photo.In the photo, he looks cool in dark clothes, but in front of him he looks like a big boy next door.The first time I saw him, I thought he looked a little skinny at 1.89m.
After meeting, we chatted naturally like old friends who have known each other for a long time.Because I had just finished my work, I couldn't help but talk to him about the embarrassing thing about our company recruiting a new designer but being let go.He listened thoughtfully, smiling politely.

Subconsciously, I really wanted to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming, but I didn’t do that because of my ladylike demeanor. I warned myself to pay attention to my image so as not to lose my dignity, and not to look like a handsome guy I’ve never seen before. A little girl who has never seen the world.

Xiao Yu'er is very talkative. After a meal, I actually didn't eat anything. I just listened to his storytelling.

He can talk about any topic, almost whatever I ask him, the atmosphere of talking about everything is really good, but this kind of atmosphere where "friends" meet and have a good time, also makes two people chat Then they forget that the real purpose of each other is to "blind date", but also to hold hands and make a good marriage.

During the meal, he talked about several of his love experiences, and also mentioned his views on love and marriage.What impressed me deeply and is still fresh in my memory is that he mentioned his first love. He said that the two of them talked for seven years. It was a campus romance.

The love of childhood sweethearts is always particularly enviable. I am very moved in my heart. The seven-year relationship is not an ordinary fate. I can feel that the boy in front of me is relatively long-term and single-minded in his relationship.

What cannot be ignored is that he also mentioned that his first love was very suspicious. Sometimes he just wanted to rest at home and did nothing. His girlfriend would be suspicious and think he was cheating with other girls. The bad thing about their love.

When he talked about this detail, I couldn't help but think of my first boyfriend, who was even worse than his ex-girlfriend. Even when I had lunch in the company cafeteria, he would be suspicious. The male colleague kept calling me to check on the post, and now thinking about that love and marriage is like a nightmare.

I didn't want to mention my sad past, so I just smiled and listened to him.But I can understand his mood too well. The ex who is suspicious and overweight is like a patient with Siamese twins. Holding on to each other, the airtight monitoring method makes people feel suffocated in the emotional relationship.

During the dinner, I asked him how many relationships he had in addition to his first love, and he said: "After breaking up with my ex, I also met a few girls. At that time, it was the same as when you and I meet now. The first two dates were very different. It feels good, but then there is no later.”

He paused, cleared his throat, his eyes were slightly confused, and then said:

"I don't know why, as long as I meet more than 2-3 times, I don't want to continue, and I have no interest in getting to know each other again."

I saw that he lowered his head thoughtfully, as if he was very distressed and confused by his behavior, so I quickly comforted him and said, "Maybe it's because I haven't met the girl I really like, so I only met two girls." You'll lose your sense of it once."

"I don't know why," he emphasized again, and then said: "A girl is still very sad because of my rejection. I didn't mean it, but there is no way to force it."

When he told me those words, I just smiled and listened.

At that moment, I was a little worried, afraid that I would be like the girls he had met before, and be eliminated by him after a few times.

When we talked about each other's views on marriage, Xiaoyu felt that families with good material conditions were more likely to survive in a stable way, and I was noncommittal about this.After all, marriage is a real way of life, and no one can "drink with love".

He also said that he has no firm idea about marriage at present, that is, he does not plan to rush to start a family.He feels that as a boy, he has just passed his thirties, and there are still infinite possibilities in the future. He wants to venture more and see this colorful world more.

I am not surprised that he has such an idea, because adult men and women in metropolises, especially in first-tier cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen, have a lot of people who hold the concept of "late marriage and late childbearing" towards marriage.

Having experienced ups and downs in my marriage, I am actually not in a hurry to start a family.Even if I meet a marriage partner I like very much, I think we should be cautious when facing marriage, and it is not too late to make a decision after having a deeper understanding.

But obviously there is an essential difference between his "not in a hurry" and mine: I tend to need more in-depth understanding, if it feels right, if I really love each other, I will not just because I want Those who look at the world and give up marriage.And his statement sounds more like no matter who I meet, I don't really want to get married so early, and getting married is not in my current life plan, because I haven't seen enough of the world yet.

But in any case, I am not very repulsed by his idea. After all, I am also a person who has experienced ups and downs in marriage. My view on marriage and love is relatively open. I think there are many ways to achieve happiness. Marriage is not what makes us happy the only way.

But he then mentioned that "men and women have different age ranges for choosing partners due to their different biological structures", which caused me a little discomfort.

It makes me feel that even a man like a male god who has a broader vision, a more open mind, and is not rigidly bound by secular ethics still inevitably has some old traditional stereotypes on the age limit for women when choosing a mate impression.

Because he went on to say: "I don't deny that in modern society, women's social resources and network resources are sometimes even more diverse and richer than men's. But men still have an absolute advantage in terms of biological age.

When a man reaches forty, he can still find someone who is ten years younger than him, and there are even many girls in their 20s who are willing to follow.You girls are different. Once you pass [-], you are no longer a girl after all. Compared with men, you will age faster, and you will lose your advantage in the marriage and love market. It is difficult to find a suitable partner. "

Out of politeness, I echoed at the time: "It is true that men and women have different physiological structures. Once a woman passes that age, there are very few options for the opposite sex." In fact, my heart was "turbulent" and I was very unhappy. I wonder:

That's not necessarily true.Like men, the age of 30+ is actually the most beautiful golden stage in a woman's life. The old idea that women are [-]+ is actually the public's prejudice and misunderstanding of women.

In modern society, the scientific and technological productivity is developed, the material conditions are abundant, and the status of women has also risen. They no longer revolve around men, and they live more and more chic and free, knowing how to preserve and improve themselves.

Therefore, compared with women in the old era, women aged 30+ in the new era have less and less obvious aging trend, and the range of options for choosing a spouse has not narrowed in a large scale, but on the contrary, it also shows a wonderful micro-expansion trend.

This virtually panics men with "masculine" thinking.In recent years, the public's respect and preference for older sisters has become more and more obvious, and more and more older girls admire "sibling love" which also happens to prove this point.

And about this point, I have a very obvious perception, because compared to myself when I was 25 or 26 years old, I think that I am 30+, but the longer I am, the more beautiful I am, and the longer I am, the more flavorful I am.Because my physical condition has become more mature in all aspects, at the age of 36, I not only have a more charming and beautiful body, but also have a more mature and wise mind.

For a period of time, I was often surrounded by some young suitors in their 20s, some in reality and some on the Internet.During the years when I was working in Nanjing, I was very repulsive and refused, but in the past few years, I have also begun to accept the "slight difference" in age silently, and even feel that the age difference can be considered within ten years.

I privately think that compared to the middle-aged "older boys" who have experienced hardships and no longer believe in love, and are not easy to give their sincerity but are full of "great principles", my acceptance of small fresh meat and small milk dogs is significantly higher than the former.Because they have not yet been "dipped" by the big social dyeing vat, they have relatively less marriage and love experience, and their cognition and expectations of feelings are relatively purer.

Of course, I have no prejudice against older boys. Older men have the advantages of older men, such as maturity and responsibility, more sophisticated in human relationships, and more abundant material wealth accumulated with age.

It's just that I think that no matter what age a woman is in her life, her attitude towards feelings will always be more "sensitized" than men. Once a woman falls in love with a man, her IQ will basically be reduced to 0.

Mature men, on the other hand, appear to be too "rational" and "realistic". They are more willing to play the role of controllers and leaders in love, and like to teach and take care of women, so they are more suitable for naive, romantic and ignorant girls. It may not be particularly suitable for mature women over 30.

Because women over 30 have become independent in all aspects, and their life experience and insights are not inferior to men of the same age. What we need more is the love that can take the initiative to control love, and even accompany and lead men forward together.

The kind of love that makes people feel independent, comfortable, respected, and heart-warming is more popular with sisters, so the little milk dog born in the 90s who is slightly younger than us naturally becomes the favorite of sisters in the 80s.

The love of "Xiao Yaxuan" style also became a hot topic in the society for a while.But I think that is not the fairy treatment that every older leftover woman can enjoy in reality.

Because "if you want to wear a crown, you must bear its weight."First of all, you have to achieve financial freedom yourself, at least financially independent, and you don’t need to rely on men on a material basis. Only then can you still have the financial strength to guarantee a youthful appearance and a good figure at the age of "middle-aged and young ladies". It is possible to cross the age gap, gain the favor of younger brothers, and gain the courage and strength to ignore the worldly eyes.

But I think it is difficult for me to say these things in front of my favorite male god, because the atmosphere of the scene does not allow it, and the second is that my ideas are relatively "new" and "advanced", so I am not sure about my male god. How much tolerance and acceptance can there be.

Especially when the boy you like talks to you about your views on marriage and love, if you dismiss and oppose his views and ideas in public, it always feels a bit out of place. I don’t want to break the comfort and warmth of chatting with each other. It’s more about listening and talking. Get his perspective.

(End of this chapter)