Natural beauty, inspirational nature

Chapter 47 Intermittent Amnesia

In the two days after the meeting, because I was too busy with work and overworked, I suddenly suffered from intermittent amnesia.

All I can remember in my mind are the various topics and opinions that the male god shared with me, but I can't even recall his real demeanor.

I felt very speechless to myself, and I asked myself: Your memory has always been super strong, why is it that you have no impression of the handsome face in the photo as if you are immune?

Is it possible that his appearance in reality does not move your heart?
I shook my head and told myself in a self-deprecating manner, maybe it was because I had too high expectations for the male god before the meeting, but when I actually met, I felt "it's okay", so I didn't leave a deep impression ?

Later, I gradually realized that behind the sudden forgetting of my appearance, the root cause was because of the first meeting and dating, some marriage and love topics that the two talked about, and a lot of "confrontation" between each other's views, which made me feel so Caused by displeasure.

Although I didn't refute on the spot because of politeness, subconsciously, I have already fought hundreds of rounds with his concept of heaven and man.

I am very concerned about these differences, so my mind strengthens my inner discomfort, and I will unconsciously ignore his handsome appearance.

In addition, we didn't have any ambiguous and intimate words and deeds throughout the whole process, which was like an excited conversation between friends who haven't seen each other for a long time.So when we first met, it was reasonable that we didn't feel the heartbeat that made people blush and heartbeat.

In fact, I am not indifferent to his appearance.There are two images that impress me: one is the pouting appearance of him sitting opposite me and listening to my speech. I think that expression is both handsome and invincibly cute.

Another picture is that when he picked up the electronic cigarette and lit it to smoke, he looked at me with the faint light reflected in his deep eyes. At that moment, I saw his tough outline clearly. I thought it was a picture of a very rich man. attractive face.

It's a pity that in the few days after the appointment, those two details were forgotten by me, and those "points" that made me uncomfortable occupied my whole head.

I have a very sensitive and insecure little girl living in my soul.The more I like to care about a boy, the more I will remember the details of getting along with him, and the more I want to grasp every word he said to me.

After returning home, it is easy to think about things, recall and analyze all the details at that time, and then I can't help but want to send a message to explain my true inner thoughts to Xiaoyu.I want him to know that the me who whispered to him in the face is not the real me at all.

And I think that if you can't be your truest self in front of someone, and you can't express your true inner voice to the other person, then even if this kind of relationship is attracted by hormones at the beginning, it can still maintain the harmony on the surface, but As time goes by, it is bound to be difficult to develop healthily and for a long time.

So after thinking about it, after a lot of ideological struggle, I decided to write a letter with Xiaoyu on this side of the Internet to talk about my views on marriage and love in depth.

In the letter, I first expressed that I basically held the same views on the points mentioned by Xiaoyu when he was dating. The only thing I couldn’t agree with was the point that there would be no marriage and love market for women after the age of 30. I conducted some research on this Serious dissection, clearly expressing the opposite opinion.

I chatted with him frankly in the form of information, which was not malicious in itself, but more because I hoped that the other party could also have a more comprehensive understanding of my true inner view of marriage and love.

But maybe because I was not strong enough, not confident enough, and extremely insecure at that time, when expressing my self-concept was too comprehensive, trivial and meticulous, it would make the male god feel more pressure after reading it, and he would be discouraged from me.

Imagine that two people are in a relationship, and they both hope to get along with each other in a relaxed and natural way.And I obviously cared too much about his views and ideas.

Maybe people just said that casually, and I took it seriously as if I was doing "reading comprehension" of what the other person said. From the perspective of a boy, no matter how you look at it, you will feel that getting along with this girl will be very tiring.

But what boys don't know is that if girls don't like you at all, we can show a particularly free and easy, generous, and generous side that doesn't mind anything in front of you.But if I value you, I can't help becoming cautious and even critical in front of you.

Afterwards, I summed up my experience and lessons in love, and felt that I didn't need to pay too much attention to the other party's small talk.

Even if you have different opinions and ideas, you should try to make a long story short, and talk on the phone or face to face, so that it will be easier for the other party to accept.

After all, it is not an era when carriages and horses are slow, and people still have the leisure to read your handwritten long letters.

In this fast-paced Internet information age, it is difficult for ordinary people to digest long WeChat messages.As soon as you send it out, the first impression of the other party must be: Oh my god, this is the rhythm of a long talk with me.Why is this person so annoying?
Yes, everyone is so busy, and few people can hold back their temper and calm down to carefully read and understand the thoughts in the deepest part of your soul.

Occasionally, others can accept it, but if it is too much, anyone can resist it.After all, in an information society, most people only like easy and brief information exchange.

In fact, I know very well that once I get acquainted with people, it is easy to get along with them.

Because I have known each other for a long time, I will naturally let go of all kinds of guards, put aside my ideological concerns, and feel more secure in my heart, so I will not be so nervous to care too much about other people's thoughts.He is even willing to show his humorous and funny side to his acquaintances.

But when I am not familiar with you, I will show the complete opposite side, which can be regarded as a little psychological barrier of social communication of mine.But the male god had just met me at that time, so how could he understand and experience this level?

No one is perfect, I thought that properly exposing my small flaws in front of the person I like can quickly test whether he can tolerate and tolerate my shortcomings in addition to liking my strengths.

But it turns out that before the two have established a deep emotional foundation, especially at the beginning of their acquaintance, this kind of temptation will only deepen the estrangement and misunderstanding between each other, which is not conducive to the in-depth and long-term development of an emotional relationship.

As the saying goes, when you meet people, you can talk a little bit, but you can't give up all your heart.What people are most afraid of when getting along with others is "communication with shallow words and deep words". When the two people's relationship foundation is not yet deep, revealing too much of their hearts to each other will bring great ideological and mental pressure to others.

But I don't think this was the fatal blow that brought our relationship to a freezing point.

The most terrible thing is that he was as straightforward as me, and I sent a message to tell him the truth the next day after I came back. Because of his talkativeness and eloquence, I suddenly had no impression of his appearance.It seems to have lost the feeling of chatting on the Internet before.

For me, this is just the truth. For him, it is probably equivalent to the pronoun of "I have no feelings for you in reality", which is equivalent to the naked meaning of "refusing" to associate.

After all, being as proud as him, as noble as a prince, the handsome male god in the hearts of thousands of girls, when he came to me, not only did he not get the "initiative" to be the first to refuse, but he even got such an evaluation of his appearance that is equivalent to "a fake shell". .Presumably for him, the shadow area in his heart is also huge, and he is deeply shocked.

But he just kept silent and showed nothing.

I think he must have thought that I didn't like him at that time, and I didn't have the feeling of heartbeat between men and women about his external image.Seeing the "long speeches" I posted again, there is bound to be a sense of "speechless" bewilderment.

As for his silence, my interpretation at the time was: Why did the male god suddenly stop talking?Did you see me in reality after meeting and compliment me on the surface, but actually didn't like me?Do you find it hard to accept after hearing my unique views on marriage and love?
Two days after the long letter was sent, Xiao Yu'er still didn't respond. I felt even more that my worries had been fulfilled, and I was sure that people must not like me.

So I unconsciously began to back down from this internet relationship in my heart.

But after I vented to him on WeChat my true views and unhappiness that I suppressed in my heart, after I adjusted my schedule in the dormitory and had a good rest for a night or two, I finally recovered, and my head changed. I became very sober, and my memory began to return to normal.

I finally remembered Xiao Yu'er's real appearance in reality, and those moments that were handsome, cute, and masculine played repeatedly in my mind.

I regretted it very much at the time, and I said to myself: "Cheng Yifei, Cheng Yifei, you are not a peerless beauty who can overwhelm the country and the city. Can't remember his appearance at all like amnesia? Who will believe it?

Besides, it is inevitable that the two of them will have different ideas when they get along, and they can be improved slowly through active communication and working with each other, so hurry up and find a way to make up for it! "

So I sent him a few text messages, euphemistically expressing that I am a very slow person, although I can’t say it’s love at first sight for his appearance, but through the previous chats on the Internet and in reality, I actually quite like him in my heart Temperamental.I hope we can start as real friends with him and get to know each other better.

It's a pity that the male god doesn't seem to see my sincerity at all, so he still doesn't reply any messages.

I think he was probably disappointed in me at that time, and it was hard to believe that after the first meeting, he would not even remember what the other person looked like.

Now that I think about it myself, it's kind of weird.Maybe our fate is destined to be stuck in this "close".

On the day of the Dragon Boat Festival, the company sent a large box of mangoes. I don’t have a refrigerator in my dormitory. I don’t think I can finish it all by myself in a short time. So I thought of sharing the delicacy with the male god and giving it to him. I also wanted to ask him out again for an excuse come out.Give him the holiday gift I prepared for him earlier.

He first thanked me for my kindness, and then declined, saying that something was wrong.

Afterwards, he didn't reply any messages to me for two consecutive months. Like a fool, I still sent him messages every day like when we didn't meet each other, and said good morning and good night alone every day.

He used to reply warmly, but after that time, he only replied "good night" to me once, and then disappeared.No matter what I send, he ignores me.

At that time, I complained about Xiaoyu's ruthlessness, but now I realize that such a precious, once-in-a-lifetime match was actually killed in the cradle by my own hands.

But I can’t blame me. God knows how hard I worked those two days. This is probably the sorrow of being a strong woman. I have devoted myself to my career, and I haven’t been in love for a long time. My love nerves have been suppressed by my heavy career. "Insensitive" again.

When I came back to my senses afterwards, I realized that Xiao Yu'er had closed his heart to me.Probably in his concept, I myself rejected him early on, who has the time to start slowly as a friend with you.

For boys, the so-called friends of the opposite sex are not girlfriends after all, but the kind of relationship that can be ignored when there is nothing to talk about, or even slowly forgotten from each other's world.

Today, many years later, I realized that Yuelao gave us a chance to connect only once, and the prince’s pumpkin carriage disappeared into the vast night after 12 midnight...

Before Cinderella grows into a real "queen", even if God pushes the prince to her, she doesn't have enough confidence to accept this "big gift".

But the story of "Cinderella" and the prince does not end here, just as the tarot fortune teller predicted: you two are in the relationship of "twin flames", the fate is very deep, and the future life is destined to illuminate each other.

(End of this chapter)