Natural beauty, inspirational nature

Chapter 63

When I came back from Guilin, I suddenly received a call from my mother. She learned that I was fired from the company, and she reprimanded and complained to me again.I wasn't surprised by my mother's reaction, I said:

"Mom, don't blame me blindly. This situation is not what I want to see. When I was planning to do a big job, I met such a wayward rich second generation.

Fortunately, the money was lost, and if you look for a job, you can always find it if you look slowly.It's just that it's almost the end of the year, and it's a little hard to find a good job.If it doesn't work, I'll find an advertising company and do it first.

Advertising companies in second-tier cities have low barriers to entry. I have contacted those designers, and their design level is average. If an old designer like me is willing to work in an advertising company, the boss will always dream of it. "

Now that the matter has come to an end, my mother doesn't say anything anymore, she just said: "As long as you can think about it, it's fine, and you should have a better mentality when you are outside alone."

I said: "Mom, don't worry, I'm in a good mood this time. Anyway, I can't find a job for a while. I went to Guilin for a trip last week. For so many years, I haven't given myself a vacation to go out. I have played it, and God gave me a rare opportunity this time. I think the more unpredictable and bad the situation is, the more we must maintain a good attitude. Because sadness and sadness are useless, it is better to face it with a happy heart .”

After hearing this, my mother reminded: "Hey, you child, you just want to be happy. Now you don't need money? You know how to enjoy yourself and go on a trip? I will pay you critical illness insurance again before December. Three to forty thousand a year, you have to save this money yourself, and I won't ask you much about the rest."

A few years ago, after I got divorced, my body suffered from a sudden serious illness, and my mother started to help me pay for the critical illness insurance. Every year, I couldn’t be shaken, and helped me save [-] to [-] yuan.

When my income is stable, I will bear this part of the expenses. When my income is unstable, my mother will use her savings to help me pay.

In this world, only my parents will selflessly think about your health and happiness in life. I occasionally think sadly alone:
For a single dog like me, my parents are there, my family is there, and love is there.One day when my parents are gone, I will really have no home, and no one will love me.My mother is getting old, the wrinkles on her face are getting deeper every year, and the white hair on her head is getting more and more every year. If my mother is gone one day, what should I do by myself?
Every time I think of this, I get angry at myself in my heart: Bah bah bah, Cheng Yifei, please stop.My mother will live a long life, and God will bless her in good health and safety.I really didn't dare to think about it anymore, tears were already rolling in my eyes.

Although when my mother blames me, I often bicker with her, and I am angry that she doesn't understand me, but she will always love me and the person I love the most in this world.

Sometimes I am also angry with myself after divorce, why I have become more and more calm and rational in the face of marriage, and even become more and more picky about the conditions for choosing a spouse.This kind of rationality and sobriety was completely lacking in me when I was young, so that I was still alone after three or four years of divorce, and I couldn't fulfill my mother's wish to be a grandmother as soon as possible.

When I was young, when I faced marriage, I thought more about whether the other party really liked me and whether he would treat me well.And what I want to find now is an emotional relationship that can truly love each other, respect each other, and grow together. In addition to loving each other in the spiritual world, I also hope that we both have the ability and ability to make money to support our families, and we can also support each other in the material world. .

Because I know all too well the frustration and hopelessness of "poor couples and all things mourn".Mom always said, as long as the other party really loves you, it’s fine, and the other party’s family is almost fine, and we can support you.Accompanying me through the ups and downs of two marriages, my mother's ideas still haven't grown and progressed, but on the contrary, I have fully realized it.

I think that although the parents' view of marriage and love that "helps the poor" sounds very kind, its core is wrong. The so-called "love" is not just talking about it on paper, it is not just a blind date.The core of love should be the ability to create and give. It means that regardless of your parents, family support, and external support, you still have the ability to make money and support your family, and you can give each other a reliable and stable material foundation. Although this sounds a bit vulgar, it is Love the most basic confidence.

Because marriage cannot be full of love and water, and no one can survive the days without bread.It is an invariable law that the material base determines the superstructure, and two people who love each other have the obligation to work hard to create a better and happy life.

So I don't want to find another partner who needs me to "help the poor" in all aspects.I began to consider the man's occupation and financial strength. I didn't expect him to become rich and wealthy, but I hoped that his ability and income could at least be at a "comparable" level to mine.

In other words, I have the ability to support myself, and he should also be able to support himself. I know how to keep learning, grow myself, and maintain a self-motivated attitude of "live and learn". I hope he does too.

Many boys complained in the online world why old women in their 30s are more difficult to chase than girls in their early 20s. They even secretly poked and satirized that the biggest capital of a woman is youth and beauty, good personality, good temper, and more Strong fertility.

In their eyes, the old women are a group of "wonderful flowers" who think they still have a charm, own a house and a car, but have eyes on the top of their heads. Because there are a bunch of virtual licking dogs kneeling and licking in the online world, they don't know that they are The crazy existence of surnames is that in reality, no one cares about them. They are still picking and choosing old girls. They even sneered with contempt on the Internet: If this is the case, you will wait to die alone. !

It's really full of naked sexism, but girls nowadays are really not "fuel-efficient lamps" (haha, there is no derogatory meaning here, I especially appreciate the quick words of female compatriots), I see many girls in The following criticizes the "landlord" who has this argument, saying that he devalues ​​the value of women to nothing, treats women as vases and reproductive machines, and will never marry a pig with such feudal ideas even if he dies alone.

In the eyes of some men, the capital for women to talk about marriage is so pitiful that only youth and beauty, pleasing men and inheriting the family are left.I think any woman in the new era who has a sense of self-esteem and human rights will be so angry that she wants to argue with the other party through the screen every time she sees such a point of view.

Don’t think that only low-quality men have such thoughts. Chinese men are deeply influenced by thousands of years of feudal patriarchal ideology. People cleverly concealed it.A few men who have received a good education, claim to be good-looking, have a good family background, and a strong financial foundation describe their expectations for the opposite sex in this way——

"In fact, not all boys will have too many demands on women's economic and material conditions. It doesn't matter whether you are superior in material conditions. It's just that if you don't have the ability to earn money, your family background is average, and your appearance is average, you still can't give it to the other party. Bringing stable "emotional value", why do you still want to marry a materially rich partner?
An excellent man has no shortage of material things, and pays more attention to whether a girl has a stable temperament and can create and provide him with unique emotional value that other women cannot give.When he needs her, she is always there, with gentle and peaceful conversation, humorous personality, natural and harmonious coexistence, even just looking at her quietly, can get healing power from the other party. "

This set of speech sounds almost perfect, seemingly impeccable.It seems that the requirements for choosing a mate have been extremely low, and only women are required to provide stable emotional value, but if you analyze carefully, is this really the case?

Every sentence of it is based on the premise of pleasing men, and it looks down on women from the standpoint of men examining and selecting women. None of it speaks from the perspective and needs of women, nor is it based on "equality between men and women". conclusions drawn from the prerequisites of consciousness.

To put it bluntly, I don’t care if your own material conditions are mediocre or lacking. You still have to rely on me to give you wealth and live a rich life. If you don't have the ability to make me feel relaxed, happy and comfortable with you, "high EQ" and can't output "high emotional value", then what positive value can you say to me?

I don't know what his so-called emotional value specifically refers to, but from his description, he should refer more to women's gentle and uncontested, easy-going and modest character, but in fact, it can give people peace of mind and soul salvation. Emotional value should not only be provided by women to men, but men should also provide it to women. It should be a positive emotional energy that is passed on and supplied to each other between the sexes.

Because in the real relationship between marriage and love, everyone may occasionally show unfavorable negative emotions due to the pressure of the real living environment, interpersonal troubles or even physical problems, and the other party needs to use positive ways to guide them correctly , Set things right.Good emotional value should be the emotional support that two people who love each other warmly give each other.

So I think whether it is the low-level sexism of the former or the high-level one-way pursuit of the latter, the common problem of both is that they both choose to ignore women's self-worth and fundamental emotional needs.They all choose to ignore the fact that modern women play a pivotal role in all walks of life and, like men, are creating material and spiritual wealth for society.

They always feel that the material world and even the entire construction of human civilization are mainly created and dominated by men.But the reality is that in addition to industries that need to test physical condition and physical strength, more and more women in modern society rely on their intelligence and keen intuition to participate in industries that only men could gain a foothold in, and perform well.

Many women who have a sense of equality between men and women and pay attention to their own development have even started their own businesses, become bosses, and become successful female entrepreneurs. In the workplaces of some first-tier cities, female executives and high salaries are no longer a rare phenomenon. ;Even in ordinary positions, women are no longer willing to be completely dependent on men because they are self-reliant, relying on their own hands to create value, and can fully earn money to support themselves.

So except for those girls who are incompetent, lazy and don't want to work hard, they will love vanity, and for the sake of those luxurious material comforts, they are willing to let go of themselves and bow to the patriarchal consciousness.

And most modern women choose to be self-reliant and self-reliant, because only if you are independent on the material level first, can you freely control your own life, and then realize the freedom of the spiritual world!

Women's awareness of self-reliance and self-improvement is constantly rising, which makes patriarchy feel fear and fear.Because I advocated the idea of ​​"equality between men and women" on social platforms, pointing out that women should also pursue the realization of self-worth, some boys with patriarchal tendencies publicly left a message below the moment I published it and said: Women are better off materialistic.Girls who don't have material things are terrible, they can't afford to play without fun, they don't need money, they only need sincere feelings, who can afford "sincerity"?
You see, in the face of a woman who doesn't care about material things or money, but only wants sincere feelings, men not only don't know how to respect and appreciate them, but feel terrible and want to avoid them.Why is this?

The reason is very simple. When a woman is strong materially, it doesn’t mean that if you give her money and satisfy her material needs, she will follow you obediently and listen to your words.Women want sincere and dedicated love, but it may be common for men to lose their kidneys, but losing their hearts is something that will cost him half his life.Of course he was afraid.

That’s why many boys love green tea. They pretend to be stupid, stupid, weak, innocent, and obedient. It satisfies men’s desire to lead, control, win, and protect, and coaxes men around. When they are happy, they give luxurious gifts. , Using money as a reward to let girls get something for nothing.

As everyone knows, there is a word "I" deeply rooted in the subconscious of human nature, and they all have self-awareness. No one is born to like to be led by the nose and at the mercy of others. When I was young, I felt weak, so I let adults arrange. When you start to have self-awareness, you will no longer blindly obey the arrangements of your parents.

In the world of adults, everyone has their own thoughts and self-advocacy. When their own opinions conflict with those of others, they will subconsciously defend their own opinions for the first time, and are willing to give up self-advocacy, even if they clearly think you are Wrong, but those who still obey your wishes in order to make you happy may not necessarily love you sincerely, and they are all because of "something I want from you".

And since Green Tea's tenderness and obedience is just a faux pas, it's not in her nature, and it won't last long.So the man's idea of ​​"as long as you are obedient, as long as you are good, as long as you make me happy and comfortable, I will treat you well and give you the material life you want" makes me feel quite sad.In essence, he is exchanging money and material for a hypocritical obedience and hypocritical feelings.

On social platforms, whenever you mention something about the different genders of men and women, you can get strong feedback in the style of "one stone stirs up a thousand waves".People are extremely sensitive to such topics. For example, once I just said that women should abandon some redundant "perceptual thinking" and learn from men's "rational thinking" to open their own horizons.Women should also have their own career and life ideals like men, and make unremitting efforts to realize self-worth. From the point of view, there are also many boys who build tall buildings in my space and "spray" me, mistakenly thinking that I am engaged in "feminism", and let me I can't laugh or cry.

I am against masculinism, but I never support feminism, all I advocate is "equality between men and women".Sometimes they are irritated by patriarchal remarks and feel uncomfortable, so they are forced to switch genders according to the logic of patriarchy. When they get an obvious paradox, they start to talk about him.

All men are born equal, and men and women should have equal rights in a love or marriage relationship.

Surviving in the world is easier than anyone else. It is actually not easy for men and women to perform their own duties.Only under the premise of mutual respect, mutual understanding, and mutual understanding, can the two people create material wealth and spiritual wealth, learn together, and grow together, can the relationship develop harmoniously, healthily and long-term.

Men and women will not be seriously out of balance because "one side ignores the other's self-needs, one side is above the other side for a long time, one side gives endlessly, and the other side takes endlessly", and gradually move towards The disintegration and eventual dissolution of a marriage.

I believe that two people who are relatively independent in their respective material and spiritual worlds can only realize the happy vision of 1+1>2 if they live together.Only when a person understands his own life and has the ability to make himself happy, can he use the excess energy of love in a relationship to make his other half happy.

And a person who doesn't even understand himself, doesn't have the ability to make himself happy, and only fantasizes about "Prince Charming" and "Snow White" to save him, is destined to be unable to reap a happy and complete relationship, and may also drag the other party down .

So it is conceivable that "the right way in the world is the vicissitudes of life". Although my view on marriage and love is very "pure", it is extremely difficult to practice.In recent years, there has been a popular saying on the Internet: If you want to get married, you don't have to wait for love.But if you want love, you have to be prepared to be alone all your life.

This sentence sums it up very aptly, just like me now, in order to marry love, I go farther and farther on the lonely road.
(End of this chapter)