Natural beauty, inspirational nature

Chapter 69 Lonely Persistence and Waiting

Once the feeling of love takes root in the heart, it will be out of control once it sprouts.

When Xiaoyu and I got acquainted, I saw his circle of friends and saw photos of the three generations of the Yu family, especially the old photos of his grandfather wearing a military medal, so I knew he was born into a military family.

To me, his grandfather's identity is the "cutest" person in the textbooks of my school days, which makes me awe-inspiring.But I didn't feel that Xiaoyu and I were incompatible because my brother-in-law was also a military officer, and the life of the second-generation officer as I knew it was actually no different from that of ordinary people.

Besides, soldiers, teachers, doctors, and nurses are all the talents of the country in my eyes. I really think his "different class" is like an excuse for rejection, but I feel that he is "convincing". Not like a joke.

Thinking about it carefully, he never told me what kind of family he was born in, and I don't even know how rich his family was.My understanding of his family's "family situation" is only in the "imagination" of the few old photos posted in his circle of friends.

At that time, I didn't know at all that the life he lived, who was born in a wealthy and powerful family, and I, who was born in a middle-income family, were not vastly different, but there was indeed a huge gap.

Later, I learned from his high school classmates that he was not only born in a military family, but his parents were in business and seemed to be very rich. Simply put, he is a veritable rich second generation.

And when I met him, I was too tired to hear what school he graduated from. I ignored this key detail.And the school he studied in is actually a well-known international aristocratic institution of higher learning in the local area.

I never expected that when I was about to enter middle age in this life, I would meet Mr. "Darcy" in my life.

At that time, I didn't know his family background at all, but I was extremely "unconvinced" by his reasons for rejecting me.A man had been sullen for two days, and after "relieving emotions" on his WeChat, he figured it out again.

After I figured it out, I thought of what he said over and over again, "After entering the society, I can no longer believe in so-called love. Anyone who wants to get close to him will feel very uncomfortable."

For some reason, I felt sorry for him when I heard that. I think that a person who feels psychologically uncomfortable when approached by anyone has more or less some kind of emotional "psychological barrier".I even think that maybe he doesn't like me, but he just can't overcome this mental obstacle in his heart.

I also felt the faint pain and deep loneliness in his heart. Since I met him, his WeChat signature seems to have remained unchanged for ten years, and it has always been the same sentence——

"When you feel alone and helpless, think about the trillions of cells living just for you"

It is really rare to see someone take such a poem with deep loneliness and deep negative meaning as his own personality signature in front of everyone for many years.

I think he must have suffered serious trauma in love like me, and when we first met on the Internet, I told him about my previous two painful relationships. He once told me: Thank you for trusting me so much, tell me I have so much of your past.In fact, I have experienced a lot, but I don't talk about it.

I said: Everyone has some unknown past, I know you must have experienced many ups and downs, but you don't want to open your heart to me yet.When you want to speak, you can tell me at any time, I am willing to be your most loyal listener.

At that time, I wanted to tell him that I was actually worthy of his trust. The reason why I chose to confide my heart to him not long after we met was to think of a good idea. When two people get along and communicate, there is always one person who is willing to open up first. If the chatterbox tells about one's past, the other person will be willing to slowly follow along and open their hearts.Two people can get to know each other better.

Although he had clearly rejected my confession in those days, I felt the strong love that grew slowly in my heart day by day, that kind of love that I still want to love him even if I can’t get anything in return. , I want to heal him, I want to give him warmth, comfort and support, I want to protect him from afar in the kingdom of spirit and soul.

I told myself that he didn't think there is real pure love in adulthood, so I told him with my sincerity and practical actions that love doesn't exist only in Jingjing campus, and that we can still keep the original intention of the purest love after we grow up.

Not only that, as adults, we have a more mature outlook on love, and we understand that love is not just a matter of romance, but also the deep affection that goes hand in hand, shares weal and woe, and is willing to work hard to give each other a happier and better life.

I know he won't add me for a while, but he also said "he will consider".

Based on my chat with him in the early stage, and my understanding of him, he is a person who keeps his word and keeps his word, so after being rejected, I did not completely give up my pursuit of him.

Although the number of words that can be sent every time you add an account is limited, and you can't continue to enter text messages if you can't send a sentence or two each time.And you can't send multiple messages in a short period of time, you can only send two at a time, if you send too many, the other party can only see the most recent two.

So in the days that followed, I would choose to send him two or four messages at different times every day.But don't send messages too frequently to bother him.

It's just that the cruel reality is that he never replied no matter what I sent, but I firmly believe that he will see my concern and concern for him occasionally.

I really miss the pleasant interaction between me and him in the first three months when we met. Even if our relationship stays on the page of "friendship" forever, I don't regret meeting him.

As long as there is a glimmer of hope, I will not give up this fate easily. Even if I just accompany him silently and watch from afar, I will try my best to help him heal the wound in his heart and help him rebuild his relationship. Love's confidence in true love.

There is a function on WeChat, that is, if you don’t want to receive other people’s added information, you can block the other party’s account and set it as a restricted contact, and the other party’s added information will not be sent.

But during those half a month, I sent him caring messages every three days, and he didn't deliberately block or restrict me.I thought that everyone was single, had just "broke up", and still retained the old "friendship" between each other. Since he would not dislike this silent way of company, one day he might still be loved by me. I am really moved, and then, as he said, he can reconsider whether he can accept me again and agree to my addition.

But obviously I was too naive and simple, my kindness was not rewarded with kindness, and it brought me fatal harm later on.

A person who is determined to cut off contact with you, or has already started a new relationship, but this is something I never dreamed of.

In my heart, I am still that innocent girl who has no intentions. Once I fall in love with a boy, I will trust him unconditionally.I believed so much in the way he said goodbye to me, I really thought he was emotionally traumatized, didn't want to be in a relationship, was afraid to be close to anyone, I took it for granted that it was impossible for him to start another life so soon a love affair.

It wasn't until a month later that I learned the truth.

With the quiet visit of winter, the always gloomy Grand Canal became quieter. I saw that the lake was beginning to freeze, and the winter rain was falling in the sky. Walking on the edge of the canal, the cold wind mixed with the rain in my ears. My glasses fogged up, and every time night fell, I saw the three characters of Haidilao in WY Square lit up in the night sky, and I couldn't help thinking of his smiling and handsome face.

But I have to face the fact that he has separated from me. According to his intention, a relationship that has never really started should be silently strangled by fate in the cradle without a serious meeting and saying goodbye. inside.It was as if they had never met each other before, coming from the crowd, and then disappearing into the crowd, there was no need to say goodbye.

As far as I am concerned, there is no real beginning of emotion, just like a wonderful novel only has a beginning, like a wonderful song only has a prelude, which makes people full of reverie and sigh.Even if you have to say goodbye, there should be a formal farewell ceremony.

I have added redemption many times, hoping that he will change his mind and don't easily sentence our fate to death. He didn't reply or accept additions as if he didn't see it at all.Gradually, my heart also began to cool down, and I stopped adding him. I understand that his heart can no longer be warmed by me like his screen name "ACECOOL".

Years ago, as many manufacturers had their holidays in advance, the business projects of the advertising company were coming to an end near the end of the year. When the money was settled a year ago, the proprietress only sent me 1800. The moment I got the money, I was very surprised , This is the lowest and most pitiful salary I got after graduation. When I just graduated in 06, I worked in the internship unit and got more than here.

I asked the proprietress why there was only such a small amount. I said that after I came to the company, I worked overtime every day, and I have done about 10 large and small projects. In addition to the basic salary of 3000, is my commission less than 1000?
The proprietress pushed that she didn't know, and asked me to ask the boss.The boss said that because many projects did not receive money a year ago, he could only pay us half of the salary first. For the other dozen projects, the commission is calculated at 2%, and I can only get four to five hundred, so the total is really only that many.

I was very angry at the time, and felt that the boss was not as honest as he promised. He said that he would give appropriate bonuses based on performance at the end of the year, but the result was just empty talk, and he didn't even bother to pay a dime.

I immediately decided that I would never work in this unit again in the coming year. Whether it is a friend or a boss, I hope that the other party has the minimum quality of "integrity", otherwise the other party is not worthy of my trust.

The company was on holiday that day, and they gave away two bottles of wine and some snacks. I didn't know who to give the wine to, so I couldn't help but think of Xiaoyu.

But when I thought that people had already deported me and refused to add WeChat life or death, I immediately gave up this idea. When I got home at night, after a tiring day, I habitually picked up my mobile phone and searched for his WeChat account in WeChat. I wanted to post something in the added information column, but suddenly felt a huge sense of loss, and I didn't know what to post.

At the end of the year, my relationship and career seemed to be in an endless loop, and various difficulties followed one after another. I smiled wryly at myself, and clicked on Xiaoyu’s add message column. This time I didn’t type anything. , I only clicked send inertially, and sent an empty add message.

I remember that before the last blank message was sent, I sent him an explanatory message, to the effect that I also have my own self-esteem and pride as a girl, I will add you one more time, and I will never give you again Send a message.I did my best for our fate.

I said to myself, this is really the last time I will add him, this is the last chance I give to each other's fate, if he still doesn't accept the addition, our fate will "end here".

I don't want to be like a love fool anymore, chasing invisible steps and shadows.I feel that no matter what I send, he will not answer me.If you can't keep the person, you might as well let him go; if you can't hold the sand, you might as well let it go.

At that moment, I really thought about it.I close my eyes, I don't want to think about anything, I just want to have a good rest and sleep.

I really hope that all of this can be deleted with one click, and I can go back to the time when I was single when I didn’t meet someone I liked, but I had dreams, worked hard every day, and was full of hope, happy and carefree.

(End of this chapter)